Friday, October 2, 2009

So weird.

So my mom called me downstairs to look at something and she found where someone had put a picture of my brother's gravestone up on Find A Grave. This for some reason was very bothersome to me. It almost felt like a violation of our privacy and his. Not to mention it made me face what I have been trying to avoid for years now, the realization that he's really gone and not just on an extended vaca somewhere. No, I am not that delusional, but I try not to think about it so I can mentally try to keep going. I haven't been to his grave in years and so I forgot what it looked like and I don't have to think of his body six feet under it. But seeing it on the internet made me cry. I miss him so much and on the 12th he will have been gone 10 years. :-( All these sites are having 10 year anniversaries like LJ and MSN and me and my boyfriend had one too and then I have to end the year with this. Like I mentioned before, the end of the year is kind of hard on us and well the 12th will be really hard on me. I wish I could get into more detail about his death and why it affects me in such a bad way,moreso than the fact that my brother had passed, but I don't think now is the right time. Another time perhaps. I guess I just wanted to vent a bit since it made me feel so sad. I'm better now. I found out there is a famous war hero in his cemetery, Eugene Ashley, Jr. He saved his fallen comrades and didn't think anything of himself. He eventually passed out from his wounds and was carried to safety where they were all attacked and he sadly died. When I'm in a better mental state I think I will check out that site more and see what other famous people I can find in NC. Gonna go work on my shop some more now. I have one item up already. Working on 5-6 more now. Talk to you all later.

Loves ya,

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