Depression, Cleaning, Saints, And Blah

Every day I think about blogging, and every day I tell myself to put it off just a little longer so I can come back fully with stuff to share and talk about. But I just honestly don’t have that yet. I’ve been in the process of cleaning my room and the room I craft in, and not just cleaning but organizing and purging stuff as well. Well with my bum stomach, something that used to take me no time at all to do can take me hours to days to do now. It sucks, but I am dealing with it. I love that I am finally getting more organized, but the rooms are slowly turning into a Hoarders episode the “cleaner” it gets. I have a vision and a drive to get this done, it’s just overwhelming to see everything in the middle of the room and know I have to go through it all still. Ack! Oh well, it will be worth it in the end.

Add on to this that for some crazy reason I am seriously depressed, and have been for the past year, but it’s really getting nasty as of late. I really feel it has something to do with my thyroid medicine. I either have too much or not enough. My hormones are so out of whack I don’t know who I will be from moment to moment. I’m either perfectly fine or curled up in a ball throwing the most awesome pity party this side of the Atlantic. Woo! I see my doctor, maybe, on September 11th, where I am bound to get a lovely round of blood tests to see what’s going on with me. I feel my dosage will change again, but we will see.

Now if all that wasn’t enough to deal with then I have the “blah” portion of stuff I am dealing with. My house is getting work done on the kitchen and bathrooms so there are stranger guys in and out of the house making the loudest noises. Then they take a few days or week break while orders for stuff come in and then they start it all over again. We are currently on a “break”, but they will be back soon, I’m sure of it. For some reason whenever I leave my room they all like to just stare at me, which is just lovely for a shy gal like me who would just like to cross the hall to the other room without it becoming a moment of interest. Well hey, there’s one good thing at least. The guys are kind of cute, so I guess dealing with them for the time being isn’t all that bad. LOL!

My family members all have been dealing with health issues of late, and that stresses me out, and of course my doctor told me not to worry about them and worry about myself instead. Kind of hard to do when it’s right in front of my face all the time. So this is another reason I am really trying to get back to where I can craft and be creative. It helps calm me and pull me out of reality for a while. But I don’t have the ability right now because of the need to clean, so I have found another way to achieve that moment of peace. Video games.

I just got a new game in the mail today, Saints Row 4, and it really helps me let off some steam. I am also playing Guild Wars 2 again, the Sims 3, and Animal Crossing. It’s just a nice break from the daily stress until I can get back to my true love, crafting. It’s hard to have so much I want to do and try craft-wise and not be able to do it. That adds more frustration on me as well, so for now I take it out on aliens and unsuspecting Sims. Mean? Yep. Fun? Hehehehe.

So I was dealing with all this and thought I had things at a comfortable “I can deal with it.” level, and then another wrench is thrown into the gears. “A” just recently told me he’s been experiencing heart issues for the past few months. It sounds a lot like my mom’s heart issues and to know he may have that at such a young age scares me. He’s going through testing now, and I hope it’s just stress and that he needs to take a vacation to relax, but if it is what my mom has it’s permanent, and that just truly scares me. So all of this just makes me feel like I am carrying the hugest boulder on my shoulders. I never really truly understood that saying until recently. Your shoulders truly feel heavy, and you almost feel like you are in pain because of it. It sucks so much, you have no idea. Well, perhaps you do. I know a lot of you are dealing with nasty stuff in your neck of the woods, and if you are, I am sorry. I wish we could all just have fun enjoying our hobbies and living a happy life, but that is just not how it goes sadly. So with that all said, what’s next?

I’m not sure. I am going to keep at the cleaning, and purging things for the shop I am going to open with my mom, that’s not doll related. We are going to try selling new and used things on Amazon. I will still open my doll shop too very soon. I am still tinkering with articles and plan to use them for promoting my shops and blogs. I hope to promote some of my favorite blogs too, not that any of you need that because all your blogs are awesomely popular already. And well, until I can comfortably get back into my craft area, I will continue to kill aliens and torture Sims. LOL! But once I am back in a my crafty nook I will be sewing, crocheting, creating, oh and finally finishing my photostory I started writing years ago so I can move on to the story I really want to start working on. And well, I guess that’s it, for now. If you have read this far, thank you. I feel I owe you something for reading through all that. Hummm, what can I give you. Oh I know!

Kitties!!! What? Who doesn’t love kitties? Well, maybe someone allergic to them or someone who get attacked by a kitty, but other than that, who doesn’t love kittles? Oh fine then. For those of you who don’t like kitties, this is for you.

Puppies!!! You’re welcome. And on that note I am off again my lovelies. I’ll be back soon, hopefully with awesome news and fun things to share. I hope all of you are doing well and having tons of dollie fun. Take care until next time. Bye for now.

Michelle

All Images Used Under Creative Commons
Girl Playing Video Games Image From Free Digital Photos
Kittens Image By Mathias Erhart on Flickr
Puppies Image By Alejandro C on Flickr

Happy Birthday Doria and Lar!!!

Happy birthday to my mom and to my brother. It's crazy to think he would have turned 36 years old today. I can't help but stop and wonder what he would have looked like or what he would be doing in his life. Would I be an aunt now? Just a ton of what-ifs that will sadly never be answered. I think it's funny that he was born on my mom's birthday. And speaking of Doria, not her real name mind you, she celebrated her...err umm...21^st birthday today. Hey, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Yeah. :-)

So of course my mom was bummed at her age, most women are no matter what your age, and I just reminded her to be happy and thankful she'd reached that age, because things could have been different today. There are many people who I am sure would have wished that they could have reached that age. So cherish this past trip around the sun. She agreed and enjoyed the rest of her birthday. And I have decided to enjoy each birthday I am given from here on out. No one is guaranteed anything, so enjoy your birthday, no matter if you are about to hit the dreaded middle age, or if you are just turning, ahem, 21. ;-)

So again, happy birthday to my mom and to my brother. It's a bittersweet day to celebrate here in my household, but I am so very thankful we got to celebrate it. :-) And on that note I am off. I've started working on a funky wig for Midori, that isn't really turning out how I'd like it, but I'm excited to see the end project. I'll tell you more about it later. Until then, bye for now.

Eating a gluten-free cake in a mug,
Michelle

Image 1 From Free Digital Photos

Image 2 From Free Digital Photos

Happy Thanksgiving

To all my United States of America followers, I hope you all had a very happy and safe Thanksgiving. Mine was ok, nothing eventful. Good food with my family. It was an odd one as well with certain things just throwing off the balance of things, but for the most part it was good. Woke up and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, some wonderful talent in the parade this year. And then I just mostly worked on articles that won't be of any use really for 365 days, and helped with dinner.

So I wanted to take a moment to say openly what I am thankful for this year. I'm very thankful that I got to have another year with my family. Earlier this year it didn't look like we may have another Thanksgiving together with my mom's health, but we did. Now I start my hoping for another year together. I never did fully update about my mom. So it seems she had two mini strokes one right after the other, one on each side of her head. On top of that none of the medicine they gave her to calm her heart down worked, so she got a pacemaker too. Since then, her heart hasn't calmed down much, and her pacemaker had to give her a slight shock once, she was not to fond of that. She's been bruising and having headaches lately, which she worries is a side effect to one of the medicines keeping her alive. I hope not, because on tv every other commercial is one of those commercials talking about becoming part of a lawsuit to sue for wrongful death due to the very same medicine she is taking. Her doctor swears she is fine. We are still working on getting her healthy, but its hard around the holidays to break her of old habits. But we won't give up.

I'm thankful I made it to another Thanksgiving. My stomach has been giving me more issues, one bad episode a few weeks ago made me 100% sure I would be dying that night. Well, I made it through and I'm fine...ish...fine-ish. My stomach still gives me issues, but I am not giving up on getting healthy either. I'm forcing myself to return back to things I love like dolls and blogging, and just trying to ignore the tummy pain and discomfort. What doesn't kill us only make us stronger, right?

I'm thankful for all I have right now. Of course we all strive to have more, but I am very thankful for what I have. It may not be much, in United States terms, but it's more than I really should have. So I refuse to complain about what I'm missing in life, because I have the basics of food, water, shelter, and clothes on my back, I truly have all I need right there and have no room to complain.

I'm thankful for all of you who read my blog. I know the past couple of years have barely had any updates due to me not feeling good, but I truly do thank all of you for sticking around. In the next year I plan to do more updating as I relearn how to have fun in the hobby again. Ugh, and I still owe some people some things as well, I'm so behind on things, but I will get there. I'm also thankful for doll people in general. From you I have learned so much and have been so entertained for the last 13 years since my return to the hobby. Please continue to be awesome and continue to teach me more about the plastic little things that we so happily let take over our lives.

And lastly, I'm thankful for this life. I may feel depressed about certain things going on with me, but this life given to me was a precious gift and I'm thankful for it. I can and will make it better again, and will continue to appreciate it with each day I am given.

I feel I have forgotten a lot, but in the end, whatever I've forgotten, I am thankful for. I hope all of you are well, and if you go out tonight or tomorrow to shop for some super deals, please please please be safe. Unfortunately we all know we will hear about someone being seriously hurt tomorrow, but I hope no one loses their lives. Just be cautious and courteous. Nothing is worth knocking a few dollars off an item. You will get another deal again, just let it go if it means someone might get hurt or worse. Ok? Ok.

Alright, big hugs and kisses to you all and I will talk to you in the next post. Bye for now. And again, Happy Thanksgiving!!! Bye for now.

Feeling sleepy from eating turkey,
Michelle

Image Source

Time To Think About Christmas!

Hey guys! Oh my goodness, you won't believe how much I've missed posting here. It's always been in the back of my mind to post, but then I just didn't know what to post. I am completely out of the loop of what anyone is doing in the hobby and have only been keeping connected to dolls through some bjd videos on Youtube. It's not the same as reading blogs guys, it's just not the same. So I decided, yes I am super behind on reading blogs, yes I have no idea what's going on in the hobby, and yes I have no earthly idea what I am going to blog about really, but I'm back.

I guess the thing keeping me away really is that last one. What do I blog about? What do I have to say that is impressive? I mean I can show you guys my ill attempts at sewing, but I'd be so shy about what you guys would think of it. But then again I could ask for advice on how to improve. I read an article today about asking for help from your peers, and I realized I didn't do that because I don't want to be a bother. So I've decided to ask for help when I need it and give it when I can. So that leads me on to my title. Christmas is coming!!! Yes, I know it isn't even Halloween, but I have come to realize time is passing quickly.

I came to this realization about time while writing on Squidoo. Fair warning, that link is my referral link, if you decide to write there and use my link, when you make your first 15 dollars we both get a nice extra money perk. Now, about Squidoo, I've been writing there for almost 4 months. I have a little over 50 lenses now, lenses are what they call articles there. A lot of them not so good, but they got me writing, a lot. And hey, I even got paid this month. Ladies and gents, you are looking at a gal who has made $6.08 from her writing. Actually $6.20, but Paypal deducts it's fee. No, no, don't get jealous. I worked hard for that $6.08, and it's all mine! Now what shall I spend it on?  Hummm...oh sorry, got sidetracked. So anyway, with Squidoo, if you want to get your articles viewed you need to get them being picked up by Google months in advance. Those of you who do Etsy can kind of relate to this getting things, like inventory, done way in advance. Well I started strong there at Squidoo, doing Halloween articles in July, but now I am still slowly chugging along with Halloween articles knowing they won't be picked up by Google but I have to finish them for a quest there, and Christmas is quickly approaching and I have no niche topics to write about. Ahhh!!! Well this lead me to thinking about Christmas in general.

As some of you may remember, I start out a tiny bit before Christmas sewing wardrobes for two dolls. One being my sister's and one being my mom's. Yeah, I never finished them. They are still as I left them last year. Heck, I haven't sewn a thing since then. So my goal this year is to not only finish that wardrobe, but to create a second wardrobe for them. Too much? Maybe not if I start now. Keep in mind, though, that I will also be writing for Squidoo, also trying to get my foot in at two other websites, and writing an article can take me a few hours to a few days. *faints* But I love these deadlines and the forced writing. Oh that reminds me, I forgot to mention, I'm doing Nanowrimo this year as well. *gulp* So, can I do it folks? Can I manage to achieve all these goals...plus work on losing weight? Yep, another goal I am working on, along with trying to learn how to draw.  Ahhhh!!! This post is starting to make me doubt myself. LOL! But yeah, these are the goals I have for the rest of the year. And since I am getting better at putting myself out there, I have decided to show you the pieces of the wardrobes I make as I make them. Some are already made but I think they will be getting remade as some are just not right in size or look. I'll show you those so when I correct them you can hopefully see the improvement.

So yeah, that's about it guys and dolls. I've been keeping myself busy just writing articles, hoping to make this a thing that gets me income while I continue to work on some other stuff behind the scenes here. I want to help my mom finally set up her Flickr account. I'd forgotten until the other day I set one up for her so she can set up dioramas, take pictures of them, and post them. I want to customize some Liv dolls to get back into that again. I want to sew more. Oh and I think I've decided on what my niche in doll clothing will be. That was part of the reason I never opened my shop. Everybody and their mama was making doll clothing, I wanted to make something that set me apart. I have decided on what, now I have to figure out how. LOL! Oh the joys of learning. And well, on that note, I am off! I need to go update some lenses, yeah it's not like blogging you have to keep updating the lenses. Oh, also I will be doing a layout change here, doing a layout change at my cross post blog after learning more about SEO, and I am just working on getting completely caught up and organized so next year will be a more productive year. I hope everyone is doing great, and I will talk to you soon!

Ready to fall asleep,
Chelle

Image From Free Digital Photos

Hey guys!!!

Hey guys, how are you all doing? Me? Doing a lot better than a few weeks ago. I have so much to catch up on in the doll hobby, I’ve missed you guys so much, and I have a few things to share with you all. News about my things keeping me from blogging, family news updates, and a recent shopping spree that I really shouldn’t have done but future events needing past items caused it to happen. Huh? What? Yeah, I know, super cryptic, but all will be revealed soon. I’m going to do a video this weekend for you guys on the shopping spree along with some posts about what’s been going on. Like I said, I miss you guys and I have so many blogs to catch up on. I am working on getting all your links into a blog RSS reader so I can be updated through that. I know, I’m the last one to do it, but I’m a natural late bloomer.   Ok, gotta go, I have a short story to work on and get done by tomorrow at midnight, more on that later.  Bye for now guys, I hope all of you are doing well.  Big  dollie hugs and kisses from me. Take care.

Glad to be back,

Chelle

Happy Birthday To Me

So, the day is almost over for me, but I had to quickly pop on a say hi. Today is my birthday and I am exhausted from taking care of my new present.  Go here if you are curious what it is.  I am so ready for bed now.

In other news, I will be updating you all on some stuff tomorrow, since I am way to tired to do it now. But I wanted to wait to update on my mom until now. So it seems she had two mild strokes on both sides of her brain. Her eye sight seems to be the only thing messed up, so we are lucky and blessed.  She has a pacemaker now as well. She’s not very happy about that, but it will help wake up her heart when it gets to slow.

I really will update more tomorrow. I just wanted to pop on and give you a brief update and say hi. Miss blogging so much, and I will be back to it real soon. For now, take care, be good, and loves ya!

Chelle

She has to get a pacemaker.

I’m scared and forcing myself into numb mode to make it through. I know some of you have commented on my last post and I had planned to comment on them today, but please forgive me for pushing it off a few days. Thank you so much for the comments, I just am to numb to form a coherent response to them. Please, any prayers or good vibes you have please send them my mom’s way. I don’t know how I will make it through the next few days but I have to. Be back in a day or so to update. Please keep us in your prayers. Thank you.

Michelle

I just need to blog.

So I know I haven’t posted here in a while, and that’s simply because I’m still trying to figure out where my blog is headed. When I started to seriously blog I decided to blog about dolls. That has been what I’ve done for a good long time now, and I’ve had tons of fun doing so and getting to know a lot of fun and interesting dolly peeps through my blogging. I still want to blog about dolls, but I have been thinking maybe my blog needs to turn into a lifestyle blog that incorporates all of me, along with my dolls. I still want the main focus to be dolls, but I also want to talk about crafts, writing, and me in general. I think I will go back to dedicated days for the “on the side” stuff, and then just blog about dolls any day I see fit. This way the blog won’t sit here dormant and I can blog.

So what brought me back today of all days?  My mom.  She’s been having some dizzy spells lately, but she put it off as just allergies. That is until the other day where she almost blacked out.  We thought it was the one off until last night. She’d come upstairs from her room and I was standing by the counter looking at two new hamsters she’d recently bought when I felt her grab on to me. It wasn’t anything odd to have her grab on to me, but then her grip got harder. I looked over my shoulder and saw that she was having trouble breathing again. I tried to get her to talk to me and tell me what was wrong, but all she could do was shake her head before she went down to the floor. She didn’t pass out, but it was pretty close. So I told her she had to stop playing around and go to the doctor tomorrow, which is now today. She went to the walk-in clinic and had accidentally pocket dialed me on her phone. I could hear her in the doctor’s office talking to the doctor. I hung up happy she was being seen. Then she called me later on. I picked up and it was my dad. I thought that was weird. Seems they were at the military hospital. I thought maybe the doctor gave her medicine and she was picking it up.  Wrong. She was having tests done. Why? Because they think my mom had a mini stroke.

I am beyond scared and freaked out right now. I know logically we will all sadly have to lose our parents at some point in our lives, but I am far from ready to have it be at this point in my life. I’m so close to my mom and to have her not be here would destroy me. If she did have a stroke, I know it was the diabetes and/or high blood pressure that did it. I have nagged her to get healthy and well I guess I didn’t have a foot to stand on with that because my health is still crap. But either way, it’s now to the point where getting healthy is not AN option, it’s the ONLY option. My mom is ready to give up and let death come get her. I refuse to let her give up without a fight. I am determined to get her healthy. I figure if death is coming he’s coming, but give him the fight of his life first. Now add on to this that my dad is on an inhaler because he smokes like a chimney and my sister is having mystery headaches all the time.

So yeah, that’s where I am at right now. Just waiting to hear from my mom and just trying to figure out what’s next. So much stress and pressure going on in my life right now. I barely sleep, and when I do I usually have nightmares. I’ve been focusing on Squidoo to try to get my mind off things and focused on one thing in general. It’s been helping, but I am ready to get back to my dolls and crafting.

ETA: So they are keeping her overnight. Seems they thing either mini stroke or heart attack. They don’t know what yet. I’m freaking out, but I will try to remain calm. I have to. I have no choice. Thanks for letting me vent. Bye for now.

Michelle

Jan. 5, 1977-Oct. 12, 1999

Looking at those dates makes me think of my brother’s gravestone.  He actually has two gravestones.  The first one when they made it they messed up on the date and had him listed as passing on the 21st instead of the 12th.  At first my mom didn’t want to bother mentioning it, but I told her this is his last personal belonging it should say the right date.  So she told them and in no time he had the proper gravestone.  Over the years the stone has faded from exposure to the elements but you can still see clearly the saying we came up with to put on it.  “Beloved son and brother.”  And is just what he was and still and forever will be.

My boyfriend and I were talking this morning before he went off to work and I mentioned how it was today that he passed away.  I asked him if he could believe it was 11 years ago.  He was shocked and mentioned how time just flies.  Honestly it still feels like it was yesterday.  I dearly wish that things didn’t feel like yesterday for us.  I mean I still feel like that shy girl from high school.  Sometimes I feel like I am forever 18.  Maybe that’s because that was a fun time in life for me.  I was out of high school and I had a lot more freedom just to be me.  My brother and I constantly had our friends over or we’d go out to hang with them and it was just a good time.  I think back fondly on those days and wish dearly that they were still here.

But when my mom came to check on me, because she hadn’t seen me all morning, I told her how I felt uncomfortable today and sad and she said don’t be sad and that he wouldn’t want me to be sad.  That if he saw me being sad he’d come in and say “Hey Butternose!”  LOL!  He used to call me that and “Granny”.  LOL!  Butternose came from “Fraggle Rock”.  I believe the king giant called his queen Butternose.  Granny I can’t remember where it came from but he always called me that.  Then my mom mentioned some other things that was a very memorable thing that he liked or did and it made me feel a lot better.  We’ve come a long way where we can talk about him and not be sad but be so happy he choose us as family and so happy to have known him for the short time we had him in our lives.

So in honor of my brother Larry I’d like to make a top 15…it was 10 but I thought about 5 too many… list of things he loved.  :-)  Here we go in no certain order.

1.

Wrestling

He loved wrestling.  He wanted to become a wrestler so bad.  I remember how him and another friend would go out into the front yard and wrestle each other.  They both wanted to be wrestlers and they thought they were so good.  Granted they didn’t know what they were doing, but it was always entertaining to watch them try.  LOL!

2.

Spaghetti

He LOVED spaghetti.  He’d pack his plate full with a big mound and go off and eat then when he was done he’d come back for a second plate.  LOVED spaghetti.  LOL!  We were always shocked by the amount he could put away.  I wasn’t a fan of it, I wasn’t much of a fan of anything back when I was a kid, but he loved it so much.

3.

Video Games

He had a dream of creating a video game museum.  He had every system out there.  He would constantly be playing games and beating them.  I remember one thing that always makes me giggle.  We had a game based on “The Little Mermaid” and I beat the game and I believe my sister beat the game too, but my brother hadn’t and he couldn’t let us beat the game and him not.  So he played the game until he beat it.  He eventually did but it was so funny how he couldn’t stop playing it until he beat it and got a little irritated when he’d mess up.  I guess he figured he couldn’t let his little sisters beat him.  LOL!   We still have all his gaming systems and games.  Not sure what we will do with them.  I guess keep them and use them.  We’ve got some old school systems here too so it will be fun to look back to when games were “good”.  ;-)

4.

Heavy Metal Music

Now my brother loved all kinds of music, but the music I could recall him listening to the most was heavy metal.  I think this went along with his love of wrestling.  The intro songs tended to be heavy metal.  I often remember that you could hear him coming down the street before he got home.  You’d hear this loud heavy metal music and then all of it sudden it would cut off suddenly then a minute later he’d walk through the front door.  It’s funny now to think about it.  I didn’t really like his choice in music, I was a pop girl myself, but now I’m glad he did like that because I can remember it so vividly now.  I don’t know if I would have remembered it so well if he’d played all the stuff I liked.

5.

Pretty Blondes

My brother loved the ladies.  But he loved the blonde ladies a little more.  LOL!  One of the earliest blondes I can remember hearing of that he liked was Jessica in his 1st grade class.  His teacher told our mom that he had a crush on her and when my mom asked him about he said in a dreamy voice “She’s pretty.”  LOL!  Now one of his celeb crushes that was more recent was Melissa Joan Heart and Sarah Michelle Gellar.

But with Sarah Michelle Gellar I am kind of cheating because he liked her back during her “Swans Crossing” time before other soaps and before Buffy when she was a dark auburn.  So hummm, can I really include her now?  Meh, my list my rules.  ;-)

6.

His Car

I don’t even remember the color of his car.  I want to say it was a dark grey color but it could have been red for all I know.  I do know he had a Steve Austin tag on the front of it, it had these rain protectors on the window that made me feel claustrophobic, and the car was a damn lemon.  But when he passed I wanted to keep it so much because it was his car, but it was very problematic so it was traded in for another vehicle that we could use without problems down the line.  He was proud of his car.  His first big responsibility.  :-)  Now this car pictured isn’t what his car looked like I just picked out a car I thought he would like to own now.  I could see him behind the wheel of this.  :-)

7.

His Blue Sheet

Now this one is kind of an inside family joke.  My brother and I both had these blue sheets when we were kids.  He became attached to his and would take it everywhere.  Mine just kind of hung out in my closet…where it actually still is right now.  LOL!  His got tattered and torn but he still kept it.  We still have it and my mom has asked that we place it in her coffin when she passes away many many many many many years from now.

8.

Dino’s Pizza

My brother loved Dino’s Pizza for many reasons.  For one reason, he worked there.  He loved his job and the people he worked with and for.  But he also love Dino’s for the perks.  He got to have meals that were cancelled and I believe he either got free food or seriously discounted food.  Two of the things he’d bring home from Dino’s were their overly greasy pizzas and breadsticks.  Yes they were so far from healthy, but damn they were good.  LOL!

9.

Jalapeno Peppers

This was a new development with him.  He would love to get a jalapeno pepper or two and would just chow down into one and eat it straight up!  OMG!!!  I would sit there in disgust, shock, and awe as I watched him eat it like the sucker was chocolate.  Umm…wow.  It was surely a sight to see.

10.

Animals

My brother loved animals.  He loved to play with the many animals that have come through our zoo.  I remember how he’d pretend that he was going to eat my guinea pig Baby.  She was this fat plump hairy thing, and he would grab her little plump leg and act like he was chowing down.  LOL!  He loved playing with her and all our pets.  I know he’d love the animals we have now. He never got to meet a single one of them.  He would have loved playing with them all.  :-)

11.

Movies

My brother loved watching movies at home or in theater.  I went with him several times to the movies and we had a good time.  Two movies I remember were one of the Batman movies and one of the Rush Hour movies.  We had fun watching them together.  One movie I remember not so fondly was Romeo and Juliet.  We went with my friend and boyfriend at the time and somehow someone got in a fight so he left, then my boyfriend left, and by that time my friend and I had missed so much of the movie that we left too.  Thank goodness it was free due to my friend working at the movies and I believe we went back just her and me to see it at another time.  I don’t remember why the two boys got mad, but it was actually funny later because it was over something silly.  Teens, what I can say, we were dramatic back then.

12.

The Holidays

My brother loved all the holidays, but he loved Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas the most.  Oh and his birthday, but I suppose that’s a personal holiday and didn’t it rock for him to have it right after Christmas.  He had Halloween in October, Thanksgiving in November, Christmas in December, and his birthday in January.  But you want to hear something cool?  He wasn’t the only one who lucked out that way.  My mom was lucky like that too.  They share the exact same birthday.  It’s actually kind of weird the amount of people I met that had a birthday on January 5th. My mom, brother, a little girl that lived next door to us years ago, and one of my best friends.  Weird huh?  Well one of the holidays that my brother really liked was Halloween, I think it ran a close second to Christmas, and so we like to do something to celebrate it each year.  Not sure what we will do this year.  I have an idea, but I doubt it will happen.  Meh, something will come to me.  :-)

13.

Jingle Bell Rock

My brother had this love for the song “Jingle Bell Rock” when he was a kid and he kept that love for the song throughout his life.  To this day I still smile and sing along when I hear it.  And um, do you like the image I found for this?  It’s jingle bells…on a rock….with a mouse.  Omg, what’s not to love about this?  LOL!  I would so love to own this.  So cute and perfect for me.  Oddly enough it’s a part of the “Charming Tails” collection that fell in love with a long time ago.  I wanted to buy every single piece they came out with.  I wonder if it’s still possible to buy this one piece?  It’s truly so prefect for me.

14.

Traveling

Every summer since he was a kid my brother became and honorary truck driver.  He’d go out on the road with my dad during the summer.  Oh I hated that.  Not only did I want to go and couldn’t due to me being a girl and it being mostly a man’s world out there on the road and no place for young girl, but I would also be alone during the summer.  It was just me and my mom until my sister was born then it was me, my mom, and my sister.  But still she was a baby so I still didn’t have anyone to play with.  :-(  So when the end of the summer came I was glad because my play partner was back but it would be time to go back to school so that defeated the purpose.  But I’m glad he got to go out on the road.  He got to see so many things and experience life some.

15.

His Family

Though we drove him crazy sometimes I know he loved us dearly.  He worried about us and he’d go out of his way to help us in any way he could.  Him and I were very close and I felt less alone growing up because no matter what he was there to lean on.  When he passed I felt a big chunk was missing in me, still do at times, and I suddenly became the “oldest” and well that status has never sat well with me and never will.  I still want to be the middle child.  It’s funny I hated being the middle child when I was younger but now I want nothing more to be the middle child again.  I suppose I still am but to the world I’m not.  But the important people know the real story and that’s all that matter.  Yes my lovely readers you are among the important ones.  :-)

So there you have it.  My brother’s top 15.  There is so much more I could have said about him, but this post would go on much longer than it already has so I will close on this next note.  I know it sounds cliché, but honestly everyone, hug your family and friends.  Let them know you love them.  Let them know they are so important to you because you never know when you have to say good bye way before you are ready.  Sure I know we are never ready to truly say good bye, but when a person is sick or old it’s a tiny bit easier to handle their passing knowing they lived a nice long life or they were sick and now they no longer hurt.  Of course it will still hurt that they are gone but it’s a little easier to accept than suddenly finding out someone you cared about is suddenly gone and they were kids or in their 20s, 30s, 40s, etc.  So just make sure that they know you love them and would be lost without them.  I hope my brother knows that I love him and miss him dearly and since his passing I make sure to tell my family I love them every night before bed no matter what.  Even if we are angry at each other, I want them to know that I love them now and when the anger passes as well.  So do it people. Do it now.  Send a text, give them a call, go give them a hug, give them a kiss, and say you love them today and every day from now on.  Ok?  Ok.

Thanks to whoever made it this far.  For you I have a special picture to bring a big smile to your face.  Proceed for your gift.

Awesome right?  Smiling right?  Sweet.  :-)  You’re welcome.  ;-)  Ok I’m going to close now so I can get to work on the big post for today.  Yes, I have not worked on it yet because I am still trying to figure out how to word it so it’s informative but not boring.  Expect that post soon.  Be good until then.  :-)

Loves ya,
Mouse

*Waves* I'm back!

Hey ladies and gents, I'm feeling a lot better and am back to blogging. If you have left me a comment over the past couple of weeks, thank you so much for them and I have responded to all of them. I just haven't been feeling well and just wanted to comment on other blogs and not touch my blog until I felt better. I've been collecting things I have wanted to comment on while I was not feeling my best, but my tummy is back to manageable so I will slowly start posting those posts.

So first of all, how have you all been?!? Yes, I have checked on your blogs, but I wanted to ask still. :-) I so need to comment on so many of your blogs. I will get there, I promise. That is what sucks about feeling sick, trying to catch up on people's blogs and I am still going through links to collect the blogs I want to read and ditch the ones I haven't looked at. If you are reading this, your blog is not one of the ones I am ditching so no worries. :-)

Ok, so who is ready for something crazy? I have it right here for you. Look at this box I put in our living room just a little while ago.



Any idea what it is? And before any of you ask, no that is not dust on the table. LOL! My mom put wax on the table and it made the table get this weird whiteish look to it. She's tried cleaning it off, but it won't come of for some reason. We don't think it messed with the finish, just coated it. I will have to take a full picture of the table for you one day. Maybe later this week, its pretty cool.



Here's a clue for you.



Why do I feel like I just heard the gasp heard round the blogosphere? Yes ladies and gentlemen, that IS out Christmas tree STILL in the box ELEVEN days away from Christmas. I'm only saving face because some people don't put there's up until Christmas Eve and a lot of my friends haven't put theirs up yet either and don't plan to. We are going to attempt to do it tomorrow. When I get it up, I will upload pictures and try to take a video of it. Since my camera only captures 1 minutes and 30 seconds on film I will have to make it into a montage. For those that have dial-up I will upload all the pictures to Flickr for you to see.

Oh, if you have your tree up, I'd love to see your tree pictures. Let me know if you posted pictures of your tree somewhere. And if you haven't, well what are you waiting for? Take some, post them, and share. :-)

Oh, speaking of Christmas, what is everyone doing Christmas Eve? I was thinking of trying to arrange a doll chat on the forum. For those of you who don't know or haven't signed up, I have created a forum for dolls and toys. I had let it go stale while I dealt with tummy issues. But now I am trying to promote it again. You can see it here. You have to sign up to see several sections of the forums. The first 50 to sign up get special privileges. :-) I need to give some of the people who signed up theirs actually. So please go on over to The Toy Box and sign up. I would love to see you all there, and would love it if you pass on the link to your friends or blog about it on your blog to get the word out. I'd love to form a nice close knit doll family there. So please help me get the word out? I'll be your best friend. :-D

Ok, I think this post is long enough. More to come. Bye for now.

Loves ya,
Chelle a.k.a. Mouse

New forum, NaNoWriMo, and dollies...oh my!

I know! I know! I'm such a bad blog owner as of late. The past few days have been filled with friend drama, family drama, personal drama, and its finally settled out some. SOME! Ugh, still a lot to deal with, but I need to get my game face on and get ready for November first. That date is just glowing in my mind like a neon beer sign. Its exciting to learn about more and more people that will be going through the chaos with me. Nat, I will so need to buddy you and Erica on the Nano site. What are your Nano nicks and I'll buddy you. Would love to give and get support, I am attempting two novels and I am still outlining the first one. I got lazy this month. Ahhh!!! But I work better under pressure anyway. Yeah. *Nervously bites fingernails.*

So in other news, I have been working on a forum for dolls and toys and I thought I would open it on Halloween, but decided against that. I decided to open it now to hopefully get some people to help me beta test it. The forum is call The Toy Box - Doll and Toy Forum. The first 50 members will have instant access to the Marketplace since I will need to test it out. I will also need moderators for the forum as well. I just want some people to go on there and try everything out. There is a chatroom on there that refreshes every 5 seconds. Its pretty cool. It keeps the chat of the last people who used it so you can see what was talked about and respond. I also have an adult section for more mature posting or for those adults who would rather have their convo be for mature eyes only. So please feel free to join the forum and pass the link on to your other doll and toy friends.

Well I guess I need to explain a bit about the forum first. Ok, so I have been looking for a place that I can share about any doll I own be it Barbie to Blythe to a ball-joint doll. Most doll forums have strict rules on what you can share on their forums. That's cool, but I just wanted to share more. I also wanted to allow toys on the forum for those that wanted to share their new toy finds. This is all in beta right now and some things may work and some may not. I will adjust things as they level out. But if you are looking for a place to come chat about dolls and toys of any kind...well not the porno kind, then please stop by and register. A lot of the board is visible without registering, but you can't comment unless you do register. There are some off topic boards along with the Marketplace and Adult Lounge that are not visible to guests. I felt those sections needed to be kept private. The Marketplace and Adult Lounge can only be accessed when rights are given. The first 50 people will get instant access to them, but after that, members will have to go by the access gaining rules, which aren't really that hard to do. So yeah, check out The Toy Box and let me know what you think. Send me plenty of pms, I'm mouse1996 on there. Please so not send anything to member Test, as it was just made for me to test for things like what can guests see whatnot.

And finally onto dollies. So I have this big project I want to take on. I want to sew up baggies and outfits for several dolls for Christmas for the Salvation Army. I have decided to keep it simple and just sew a tube and make a dress out of that for all the doll out of stretch fabric using Dorriebelle's concept for making sock clothing. I have tons of it and don't know what to do with it, so I will use it up on this project. Not sure how many I will make, especially since this November is book solid.

I know I will have a few days in December to work on it, but I don't want to get so behind that I don't complete anything. Still need to pull out all my old dolls and give them a wash and brush. Then I need to figure out my quick pattern for a dress and I plan to make cloth boots that will look more like socks. I picked that method since I don't know if these dolls will go to really young children who might swallow regular shoes. You know, I always wondered why when we are young, swallowing odd things didn't bother us. Hummmm... Anyway, yeah, so I need to hit the ole fabric stash and bring out all the dolls that I plan to use. This will help greatly reduce what I own and give someone a smile. I'm rather excited to do this. :-) Oh yeah, I want to make baggies for each doll as well so the kids and carry them around or use the baggies as purses. I also wanted to make little cards to go on the pull ties that say Merry Christmas from Santa, but I don't know if this is only for Christmas. I believe it is, but I think to be safe I should just say Happy Holidays. What do you all think? Hummm...

Well that's about it for today peeps. I may come back a bit later to post about some stuff I have been working on. I want to work on my outline a lot today since the 31st will be here in now time and I told myself I will be done and ready to go by the 31st. I am sleepy now, but I can sleep tomorrow away. I must outline. I am stuck on chapter 1 of novel 1. Getting nervous here. I am worried this year I won't win. But I would hate to not make it to 50,000. Ahhhh!!! Ok, I am off. Later kiddies.

Loves ya,
Mouse

So weird.

So my mom called me downstairs to look at something and she found where someone had put a picture of my brother's gravestone up on Find A Grave. This for some reason was very bothersome to me. It almost felt like a violation of our privacy and his. Not to mention it made me face what I have been trying to avoid for years now, the realization that he's really gone and not just on an extended vaca somewhere. No, I am not that delusional, but I try not to think about it so I can mentally try to keep going. I haven't been to his grave in years and so I forgot what it looked like and I don't have to think of his body six feet under it. But seeing it on the internet made me cry. I miss him so much and on the 12th he will have been gone 10 years. :-( All these sites are having 10 year anniversaries like LJ and MSN and me and my boyfriend had one too and then I have to end the year with this. Like I mentioned before, the end of the year is kind of hard on us and well the 12th will be really hard on me. I wish I could get into more detail about his death and why it affects me in such a bad way,moreso than the fact that my brother had passed, but I don't think now is the right time. Another time perhaps. I guess I just wanted to vent a bit since it made me feel so sad. I'm better now. I found out there is a famous war hero in his cemetery, Eugene Ashley, Jr. He saved his fallen comrades and didn't think anything of himself. He eventually passed out from his wounds and was carried to safety where they were all attacked and he sadly died. When I'm in a better mental state I think I will check out that site more and see what other famous people I can find in NC. Gonna go work on my shop some more now. I have one item up already. Working on 5-6 more now. Talk to you all later.

Loves ya,
Mouse