Tired. So freaking tired.

Image From Free Digital Photos

Quickkkkk update. I wanted to post about male fashions I found interesting and wanted to try making for our highly fashion-neglected 1/6 males, but the day got away from me and now I am just so exhausted, I am ready for sleepy time. But I wanted to make a quick update on me.

So I tried this sample of medicine my doctor gave me and it worked wonderfully, but it only had five pills and I quickly ran out. So I called last Friday for a prescription, but while they did record it, they never wrote it and sent it to the pharmacy. So they got me three more sample boxes that will cover me for 2 weeks and they are getting a prescription done for me. So hopefully tomorrow I will have a call telling me to pick it up. I plan to only be on these pills for 6 months because they can damage your body at a year of taking them. I need to really focus on weight loss, which I plan to do the bribing way again. I still have two vintage dolls waiting for me from the last time I tried to bribe myself. But that is for a massive weight loss, so I want little bribes along the way. I will put my bribe list up here on the blog so you can follow along.

What else? Oh, I learned in a very interesting way that a friend is Republican. Ok, so two things I tend not to talk about is religion and politics. We all have our own thoughts on both, I respect your right to believe what you want and just ask that you respect mine. I guess my friend didn't know where I stood on the political spectrum and she sent me a link to a video that is very insulting towards Democrats. She thought it was hilarious, and I just didn't see it as funny at all. It was creative, but not funny. I was shocked to find myself so insulted really since I try to take a far stance from politics, but I think today I found out a little bit about myself. It was an interesting and awkward moment that I quickly tried to change the mood of by asking what she'd been up to lately. Please, if you ever do talk to me, please let's keep politics and religion out of the convo. There are way to many things to talk about that won't step on toes that we can pick from as a topic. *sigh* I mean I won't be rude to someone if they do bring it up, but I will try to change the topic. It's just safer people, trust me.

On top of that I've learned a friend is having a hard time due to some things that weren't her fault.I feel really bad for her and I can't help her in any other way but be a listening ear. I was slightly shocked and touched that when I mentioned my health stuff coming up she was completely focused on me and trying to figure out how to get a ride to my appointments to be there as support. LOL! She's a sweetheart. I told her let's see how I feel on my birthday and she can come see me then and we can talk about the horrors of being stabbity-stabbed. Must call her back tomorrow to catch up more, had to say good-bye early...Project Runway was on. And omgggg the judges's decision got me really salty. Now I don't know who to root for to win, my choice was kicked. So sad. *sniffle*

And on weird last note I am off. I really want to lay down and maybe *gasp* go to sleep early tonight. Well early for me. We'll see. I'll let you know tomorrow. Until then, take care lovelies. Bye for now.

Becoming Too Lazy

Image From Free Digital Photos

I think with the looming medical procedures next week I am becoming super lazy. I just watch Youtube videos or play my new video games. Not good. So I am going to force myself to get back on track. Right now I am still tinkering with condensing my online stuff so I can become more focused. Youtube is proving to be irritating. You can only subscribe to like 75 channels within a couple of hours and then you are cut off for a couple of hours. Their way of cutting down on spammy people, which is cool, but slows down the process. I should be done with Youtube in a few days. I guess in between waiting for the cool off period to end I could work on Tumblr. I am not sure if I am going to cut back on following people, or just put the ones I really want to watch into a rss reader so I can keep up with them better. I also want to do a blogroll here as well as another place to keep a list of people I am following and share them with you. I also want to make a...forumroll??? Basically a list of forums I am on. I could just have them in my bookmarks, but...do I really need to explain why that's not a good idea right now? No? Thank you. ;-)

So yeah, I just keep telling myself, next week is coming regardless, might as well start working on some things so when the tests all come back as good I won't have wasted this time I could have been using for good. Just wish I wasn't so tired. Not sure if that is because I barely see the sun lately, staying up until 9 or 10 am and then sleeping until 3 or 4 pm, or the thyroid, or just my general health. I mostly see the night, which I had changed before I let a certain someone back in my life, staying up late again to text him. * sigh * I will get it all back on track. As my doctor says, it's all fixable.

And on that note I am off, back to sorting through these many channels I watch. I need to cut back on them. So many people are just so interesting and I want to follow them all, but in the end I miss out on them all because I follow so many people. Time for some people to get the cut. * sigh * Why must I find everything and everyone so interesting? LOL! Talk to you all tomorrow. Take care. Bye for now. :-)

Listen To Your Gut!!!

Image From Free Digital Photos

Ok, so I feel like I am so behind on everything because I can't for the life of me stay organized or get organized or just start to get organized. So I decided that with my new movement in what I wanted to do with my life, blog, etc. that I would need to condense and pull back and become more focused. I thought making several Youtube channels to focus my various ideas on would be a great way to do so, but I also wanted to blog, create, run a shop, write, have a social life, and oh yeah I might want to catch some Zzz's in there somewhere as well. Focusing on several of anything just isn't what I am capable of doing. One channel, sure, the 3-5 I had planned, not so much. And the thing that irritates me is that before I separated all my the channels I sub to into different channels, so I could focus my channels on those topics, I told myself that I should just have one channel and use the collections and playlist options to do my channel. I should have listened to my gut because now I have to change things around. *sigh*  So now I am pulling back to one main channel for it all. Just like this blog I want it to be all about me and my interests, so I am going through the longgggg process of doing so; switching over subs to my one main channel and still thinking about my logo to kind of brand myself.

All this between my extremely sleepiness and trying to get into better health. Sucks. Sucks all around big time, but I am managing...kinda. I need to work harder at it though. Right now though I will work on condensing things, this I can manage in my half asleep mindset right now. Just typing this is mentally exhausting and I really want to go to bed, this is of course after I spent most of the day sleeping. Being unhealthy sucks, but I will change it. I just hope the appointments next week will reveal good news and not bad. Sorry guys, gotta end this for now. Just so tired. If you've left a comment on previous posts, I will comment back very soon. Just super tired to focus on making a good response. I will talk to you all tomorrow, hopefully more awake. Take care until then. Bye for now.

Still Taking It Easy

Ok, so today was a bit better. I barely slept, going on 2 and a half hours of sleep, because I had to be up early to see if I could make an appointment for December, and to see if I could get an prescription for a new medicine I'm taking. Got the prescription sort of done and the appointment I will have to call back in late August or early September to do. I could have gone back to sleep, but decided to stay up instead. But now I am super tired and can barely keep my eyes open.

So after the calls, I decided to open some stuff I got about two months ago and take pictures for a blog post coming soon, and then I finished the last needle felting kit I bought. I will say now I don't think I will be purchasing any more Dimensions needle felting kits. The wool was disgusting. Out of all the kits I got, that was the only kit that was just nasty. I'd read someone had the same issue happen but thought maybe it was a one-off. Nope, it's just their wool. I believe it had chunks of wood in it that got dyed with the wool. There has to be a way to get wood out of wool, or at least most of it. This wool had bits all through it. I'll explain more in my post about it.

Then I ended the day with a little bit of "Girl Meets World", cute show and actually quite similar to "Boy Meets World", more on that in another post as well. And now I am settling down to play a little Tomodachi Life on my Nintendo 3DS while catching up on some vlogs and videos on Youtube. Not really an eventful day, but not bad either. Super tired guys and gals. I'll update more tomorrow. I've got a lot of stuff on my mind. Take care until then. Bye for now.

I'm taking off my big girl panties...at least long enough to get a nap.

Image From Free Digital Photos

So I went to my appointment today. I went to bed super early because I was exhausted, and I woke up 2 and a half to 3 hours later and couldn't go back to sleep. So by the time it was time to go to my appointment I was a nervous wreck. Will that stupid box get stuck mid-floors? What would she do to me? Am I going to come home crying? So let me take you out of your torture. No, the extremely small box did not get stuck, but it stressed me out enough that my blood pressure went through the roof, and no amount of explaining to them that I was scared of the appointment, scared of the elevator, and sleep deprived would get them thinking that this was not me having high blood pressure. Oh well. Found the stairs at the end of the appointment. My dad went with me, and he swore there were no stairs even though there was a sign on the wall next to the elevator that said "In Case Of Emergency Use Stairs". And, well, the fact that buildings with multiple layers have stairs, but whatever. Oh well, found them for next time. Next time I say? Oh yes, there will be a next time, in less than two weeks actually. I get to go back and get a biopsy! If you couldn't guess, I went home a little weepy.

She found nodules on my thyroid. One is small that she thinks is fine, but the other had some white around it that she was worried about. She told me 95% of biopsies come back negative for cancer, and even if it was cancer, she says no one dies from thyroid cancer they die with it. Now all this I was trying to let soak in as I tried to settle my stomach, let my brain settle from being partly upside down for a thyroid ultrasound, and realizing she was going to stick a tiny needle into my throat several times in the next week or so. I honestly want to say some expletives right now, I'm so angry and upset, but I will keep this a family show.

So from what I understand from her, she says I don't just have hypothyroidism, I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis, and it's hereditary. And it will greatly affect my ability to have a child and if I don't get my levels right my child could end up with mental retardation. Add to that I am getting ready to turn 36 next month and well, I am angry. I blame myself for this. Yeah she said it's hereditary but what if I caused this to happen. My sister and I are the only ones who have it in the family. We don't know about my dad's side of the family much, so it could be from his side, but what if it was dormant and my weight or my yo-yo dieting caused it to happen? She told me if I lost weight my levels could go down, so that is all that is on my brain right now, losing the weight.

It's so silly, but it's at these moments I miss the old ex, as in the way he used to be in the very beginning. I would be able to confide in him and get his comfort. I foolishly let him back into my life back in April, but I have gone back to no contact because I need to close that chapter on my life. His part in my story is over, but I do wish I had someone like a boyfriend or husband I could talk to about this. It's moments like these that make me so mad at my ex. If he had told me sooner he didn't want to be with me, I could have found someone else and maybe had a family now before I got ill. But I don't want to be that girl, blaming the ex for how my life turned out. While he is far from innocent, I need to take some responsibility for how things turned out as well. I guess I am still in shock and in need of comfort. So I have decided to take my big girl panties off...figuratively of course, crawl into bed, and take a nap. Yeah, I should stay up so I can go to bed early tonight but I really want to rest and allow my brain and stomach to rest and settle. After a good nap I will put my big girl panties back on...still figuratively, and deal with this.

So two days after my throat biopsy I will be going to the dermatologist about a large brown spot on the bottom of my foot. People if you have a large brown spot on the bottom of you foot, no matter what complexion you are, get to a doctor to have it checked out. My doctor thinks it's just hyper-pigmentation but he saw a dot in the center of mine so he just wants to be sure. He doesn't think it's cancer, but just in case. I kind of feel that dermatologist will cut it off, just in case. So I get stabbed with needles on day, and I may be walking about with something that looks like a hickie for a few days, but so won't be healed by my appointment on the 7th to probably have skin punch-cut from the bottom of my foot and then removed. Then my birthday is two days after that, which will probably be around the time I get the results back from both tests. What a fun gift that will surely be. Well if it's all good then yes it will be. If it's bad, well...I don't want to think about that right now.

I need some sleep. Sleep is good. Just a few hours...or days would work too. Nah, I want to watch the new season of Project Runway tonight so I know I won't sleep past 8. Hopefully I'll just sleep until 3ish so I can exercise. This news may have been a sucker punch to the gut, but I refuse to let it take me down. Now that I am home in bed, cooling in front of a fan, I will take some deep breaths and just remain calm. I mean hey, the worst is over...I don't have to go back into that elevator any more. I'm thinking the odds are in my favor. Bye for now guys. Oh, and thanks for letting me vent. I really needed it.

Has anyone invented the 36 hour day yet?

(Source)

It seems like I just don’t seem to have time to catch up on anything lately. I’m constantly having to do something, and most of these things do not allow for multi-tasking. For example, I was working on a short story yesterday and though I could work on it while I let the ferrets out to play for an hour. Yeah, did any of you guys know that ferrets are like super at jumping? Yeah, I knew this, but I didn’t think they’d charge at my laptop, jump, grab the top, and bend it all the way back! I was so worried they’d break my hinge after the third time of doing this that I just gave up. *sigh*

Then we have my article writing itself. I’m slowly starting to make money at it, but it takes so much time to write one sometimes. I decided to get fancy with an article the other day and it literally took me all day to do with writing, finding products, and making all my html play nice together. Ugh!!!

Then of course I have ideas doll-wise I want to share with all of you and I just haven’t had the time to. One of the things I said would be ready a few weeks ago has been ready for weeks but the other thing isn’t ready and I wanted to post them together. I may just have to post them at different times so this place doesn’t become Ghost Town USA again.

Add on to this that the weather is getting blissfully cooler but this change in weather is causing me to be sleepy all the time. Then of course, still dealing with all the other stuff I was dealing with before, and well, just…*sigh*. LOL! Well I guess since that 36 hour day is still a long while off, I will just need to get my rear in gear and get organized. Yep, still working on that. I’ve never been this disorganized before. Is there any hope for me? Please  say yes!

I just recently read this article, it’s where the picture for my post came from. The author of the post is an actual author who not only writes several books a year, she homeschools her two children, and she takes care of the house and yard. She explains how to pull yourself from the Land of Crazy Disorganization to a land less cluttered with chaotic thoughts with no plan and no end in sight. Check it out if you are like me. Hopefully we will find our way out of the LOCD and can get back to a calmer way of existing. Then again maybe not, but hey, it’s worth a try.

And on that note, I have got to my lovelies. I will be back soon. I have a lot to share and can’t wait to do so. Hope all of you are doing well. Be doll hugs and smooches to you all.

Ready for bed at only 1:07 in the morning…I must be getting old,
Chelle