Ever Have That Moment Where You Realize…

that you seriously messed up?  Well, it finally hit me today that I royally messed up.  So I have once again basically been stuck in bed again feeling sick like crazy and not understanding why.  But then I finally stopped to think about it and realized how I reacted when I did certain things and well…I really need to leave gluten alone.  I know!  I know!  I know I said I was going back on a strict gluten-free diet.  And I meant every word of it.  But after going almost a week on gluten-filled food I guess my body began to crave it again.  And so almost every day since I said I was going back on gluten-free I’ve been having a taste of gluten here and there.  And today it just all hit me to the point where a couple of times I wanted to just go down to my knees and give into the discomfort.  So yeah…

But I don’t know why I did it?  Why didn’t my health mean more to me than having a cracker or a piece of bread?  Especially knowing that if I am truly gluten-intolerant that I have further messed up my intestines from my gluten adventure.  It’s been messing with my weight loss.  It’s been messing with my life, moreso than usual.  So why would I give in.  They say if you have gluten-intolerance that you crave it more.  So maybe that’s it.  I don’t know.  All I do know is I am going to try something new to get back on on track with a strict gluten-free diet.  Although its very hard to be on one in my current living situation, I’ll do my best to make it happen.

I just see all these ailments I had before slowly coming back and I don’t understand how this isn’t screaming at me to get a grip.  Like I now have tonsil stones again.  I haven’t had them since going gluten-free, or at least not that I know of.  For those of you who don’t know what they are, tonsil stones are when mucus collects in these pockets in your tonsil and food and debris that get caught in it start to solidify and form into a stone.  They say most adults get it and that even if you have your tonsils removed you can still get them, so there’s not point in doing so.  Well I guess with the gluten causing my body to react to it I guess it’s made for the ripe situation to get them again.  And they are bad this time.  I’m hoping they will dislodge soon and my throat will start to feel better.  Ughhh!

On a brighter note, my mom got her heart monitor today and will have it until Thursday. On another good note, she didn’t have an episode yesterday, which is even better.  But on a down note, she was fine today until she had some meat that was FULL of sodium and she ended up having an episode.  Something makes me think she needs to go on a strict low sodium diet, which she is suppose to already be on, and maybe stop a medicine she is taking that might be the issue.  I don’t know.  We’ll see I guess.  All our diets need to improve here, but there are so many excuses it drives me batty.  But I won’t give up.  I shall continue to fight the good fight!  Fighting!  Hehehe, one to many Korean dramas, don’t mind me. 

Well, that’s about it for now.  Mostly I’ve just been spending my time surfing doll forums to pass the time and keep my mind off the intense sickness I feel.  I finally made my mind up on what I want for my birthday and will be purchasing that at the end of the month or first day of August.  I have decided against a hamster right now since my room would be too hot or too cold for it, and one innocent hamster turned into 3 all living in the same cage…my mom and sister both want one, and so I just said forget it for now.  I might get one around Halloween or Christmas if I can find a good space for him in my room and so I will only have one to deal with and not three.  So no ham-ham, just dolls.  But in the end, am I really losing on the deal?    Talk to you guys later.  Be good until then.  Bye for now.

Loves ya,
Mouse