Why Robin?

Why?

R.I.P.

One Week, Bad Day?

Hey guys, so today is kind up and down for me. I am going through some hormonal stuff again, which I hate with a passion. I wish they would level out so I cold have more normal human days than not. It got so bad I foolishly unblocked someone to say hi out of emotion. Regretted it no sooner I sent the text. The convo was basic and nothing exciting. I was reminded of what an @$$ he is and I am back to having my fill of all that. Like I said, it was done in a hormonal moment and I am soooo not proud of it. I believe they will get the block again in a few. I feel stupid.

Found some more interesting fashions that I would love to not only draw but make for dolls of various sizes. I especially love the v-neck shirt. Now that is a lowwwww neckline, but it's so cool. As I look at all these fashions, I wonder how that would translate into 1/6th scale. I'm sure the v-neck and cowls could be worked out depending on the fabric they are made out of. Well when it comes to 1/6th it all really comes down to what the fabric is made out of really.

So next week I complete another run around the sun. Fun, right? Meh, guess so. Ok, I am glad I am having another birthday. I know of many who won't get this chance, and so I respect the fact that I do get that option. It's just with each birthday I get a little sad because I feel like I haven't accomplished anything due to getting sick and having anxiety, and also I reflect on the fact that I am way older than my older brother now. I was catching up on Eastenders and the brother of twins was saying good-bye to his twin sister at her funeral. He mentioned how she was almost 8 minutes older than him and she never let him forget it. However, he was now older than her for the first time ever and it didn't feel right. That's how I feel about my brother. It's not right that I am older. Just realized, even my younger sister is older than him now. It just feels wrong. I loved being the middle child, but that status was ripped from me and I would give anything to have it back. I miss my brother.

So maybe it's best not to blog when you are all weepy, but I worry if I don't do it then I will disappear

for months again and I am really trying to get back into the things I love. So fake it until you make it i guess. Next week is going to be a horror. I hope, at least,  I have a good birthday, even if it's just me laying in bed marathoning the last 2 seasons of Doctor Who, the new one starts soon. Yay!

And on that geeky note, I will talk to all you lovely people tomorrow. Until then, take care. Bye for now.

Don't Take Your Dreams To The Grave

Image From Free Digital Photos

Ugh, I am hating how doom and gloom my blog has been sounding lately. It's almost to the point where I don't want to blog because I am sounding so dark, but this post really isn't meant to be dark, more motivating. I hope it comes off that way.

So in the past couple of months, on both Deviantart and Youtube, people I have been following passed away. One person I am not sure how he died but he took beautiful pictures, and a woman on who did these amazing DIY fashion videos was murdered by her ex while she slept. Both of these stories were so tragic, but all of their followers agreed on one thing, that we were glad we got to know them some and that they got to share their goals and dreams with us.

All this got me thinking about goals and dreams. We've got plenty of them. I'm sure you could make a list of them. However, how many of us reach for and achieve our dreams, or at least try? I want to become an author some day as well as a toy designer of some sort. I want to strive to make that happen sooner rather than later, but up to this point I've really done nothing to make that happen. No one is promised any length of time on this planet, From newborns to 100 year old people, we are all granted with the same amount of time each and every day, what we do with that time is up to us. If you aren't working towards your goals and dreams, you may end up taking them to the grave with you, and that would honestly be a such a waste. The world will never know how awesome you are at whatever you master at. If you truly have a life goal, start this moment to go for it. Sure, you may never reach them, but what if you do? What if all the work you put into it pays off. Won't you be glad you started right now rather than a year from now or never? And if you don't reach your goal, don't give up hope, it just means that wasn't the right goal to strive for. Rework it and go at it from another angle or try for a whole new goal, just as long as you are going for it, that is all that matters.

I was really sad to see these talented people were no longer with us, but they have left behind their works of art that I can continue to look at and view and be reminded how awesome they truly were. They left their mark on their world, don't leave the world without making yours. Until next time ladies and gents, take care, bye for now.

I'm taking off my big girl panties...at least long enough to get a nap.

Image From Free Digital Photos

So I went to my appointment today. I went to bed super early because I was exhausted, and I woke up 2 and a half to 3 hours later and couldn't go back to sleep. So by the time it was time to go to my appointment I was a nervous wreck. Will that stupid box get stuck mid-floors? What would she do to me? Am I going to come home crying? So let me take you out of your torture. No, the extremely small box did not get stuck, but it stressed me out enough that my blood pressure went through the roof, and no amount of explaining to them that I was scared of the appointment, scared of the elevator, and sleep deprived would get them thinking that this was not me having high blood pressure. Oh well. Found the stairs at the end of the appointment. My dad went with me, and he swore there were no stairs even though there was a sign on the wall next to the elevator that said "In Case Of Emergency Use Stairs". And, well, the fact that buildings with multiple layers have stairs, but whatever. Oh well, found them for next time. Next time I say? Oh yes, there will be a next time, in less than two weeks actually. I get to go back and get a biopsy! If you couldn't guess, I went home a little weepy.

She found nodules on my thyroid. One is small that she thinks is fine, but the other had some white around it that she was worried about. She told me 95% of biopsies come back negative for cancer, and even if it was cancer, she says no one dies from thyroid cancer they die with it. Now all this I was trying to let soak in as I tried to settle my stomach, let my brain settle from being partly upside down for a thyroid ultrasound, and realizing she was going to stick a tiny needle into my throat several times in the next week or so. I honestly want to say some expletives right now, I'm so angry and upset, but I will keep this a family show.

So from what I understand from her, she says I don't just have hypothyroidism, I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis, and it's hereditary. And it will greatly affect my ability to have a child and if I don't get my levels right my child could end up with mental retardation. Add to that I am getting ready to turn 36 next month and well, I am angry. I blame myself for this. Yeah she said it's hereditary but what if I caused this to happen. My sister and I are the only ones who have it in the family. We don't know about my dad's side of the family much, so it could be from his side, but what if it was dormant and my weight or my yo-yo dieting caused it to happen? She told me if I lost weight my levels could go down, so that is all that is on my brain right now, losing the weight.

It's so silly, but it's at these moments I miss the old ex, as in the way he used to be in the very beginning. I would be able to confide in him and get his comfort. I foolishly let him back into my life back in April, but I have gone back to no contact because I need to close that chapter on my life. His part in my story is over, but I do wish I had someone like a boyfriend or husband I could talk to about this. It's moments like these that make me so mad at my ex. If he had told me sooner he didn't want to be with me, I could have found someone else and maybe had a family now before I got ill. But I don't want to be that girl, blaming the ex for how my life turned out. While he is far from innocent, I need to take some responsibility for how things turned out as well. I guess I am still in shock and in need of comfort. So I have decided to take my big girl panties off...figuratively of course, crawl into bed, and take a nap. Yeah, I should stay up so I can go to bed early tonight but I really want to rest and allow my brain and stomach to rest and settle. After a good nap I will put my big girl panties back on...still figuratively, and deal with this.

So two days after my throat biopsy I will be going to the dermatologist about a large brown spot on the bottom of my foot. People if you have a large brown spot on the bottom of you foot, no matter what complexion you are, get to a doctor to have it checked out. My doctor thinks it's just hyper-pigmentation but he saw a dot in the center of mine so he just wants to be sure. He doesn't think it's cancer, but just in case. I kind of feel that dermatologist will cut it off, just in case. So I get stabbed with needles on day, and I may be walking about with something that looks like a hickie for a few days, but so won't be healed by my appointment on the 7th to probably have skin punch-cut from the bottom of my foot and then removed. Then my birthday is two days after that, which will probably be around the time I get the results back from both tests. What a fun gift that will surely be. Well if it's all good then yes it will be. If it's bad, well...I don't want to think about that right now.

I need some sleep. Sleep is good. Just a few hours...or days would work too. Nah, I want to watch the new season of Project Runway tonight so I know I won't sleep past 8. Hopefully I'll just sleep until 3ish so I can exercise. This news may have been a sucker punch to the gut, but I refuse to let it take me down. Now that I am home in bed, cooling in front of a fan, I will take some deep breaths and just remain calm. I mean hey, the worst is over...I don't have to go back into that elevator any more. I'm thinking the odds are in my favor. Bye for now guys. Oh, and thanks for letting me vent. I really needed it.

I Need Something

So I didn't do that big return I was hoping for, mainly due to the fact that I have been licking my wounds in private due to my breakup. No, it didn't end well, and just a few minutes ago I found out the hard way I am still very much angry over the whole deal. So I've decided to really throw myself hard back into my doll and craft hobbies. I always wanted to open a shop and plan to do so this year around Spring. I want to make some more inventory, get a PO box, work on my shop logo, etc., etc. I also plan on starting two of my three Youtube channels soon also. I just need to focus on other things rather than what I have been.

Puchi Collective Empire Dress

So the business I want to start is a clothing, accessories, and some props kind of shop. A main focus on clothing and accessories. The only problem I am having is which doll to sew for. I don't really want to be exclusive. I want to try being able to sew different items for different kinds of dolls. Right now I am working on Blythe Empire dresses and I want to try to make them for Monster High as well. I need to alter the pattern some so it will fit Monster High snugly. The Blythe size is ok, but it's not really fitted or tailored for Monster High.

I adore Blythe and how small and cute they are with their bobble heads, and I think that's why I equally love Monster High dolls as well. So I decided choosing those two to sew for right now was fitting. I think this will help me relax some and move on. I want to try getting a Takara Blythe this year. I have an ADG Blythe and a Blybe doll, but I really want a Takara one. I also still hope to happen upon a Hasboro Blythe, or even if it's just a head of one I can get a body for cheap so no worries there. But that would be a grail doll for sure. I just really adore the sweetness of Blythe and want to expand my collection of them. And since I will be getting rid of a lot of dolls later this year after I post my photostory, which has to be changed greatly because one of the characters was based on someone I no longer want in the story, I won't have any need for most of the dolls I have and will probably sell them as lots on Ebay or maybe as a category in my online shop. Oh, I also need to show you all the new dolls I've gotten lately. I haven't done much with them, but that will change this year as well.

So those are my plans for now. I want to take pictures of the dresses I sewed a couple of years ago and compare them to the ones I will make now. Hopefully my new ones won't make the old ones look amazing. :-) And on that note I want to wish everyone a belated Happy New Year and I hope all of you have been having a great year so far. I need to catch up with everyone so badly, just need to get out of this funk, but I will be back in top form soon. This year is going to be awesome. I just know it. Bye for now lovelies.

I Can't Wait For Midnight January 1st 2014

Image From Free Digital Photos

Happy holidays ladies and gents, it has been a while. I have just been dealing with life. I almost said living life, but that's not the honest truth. Dealing with it is a much better way to explain things. I ended the year roughly 175 pounds less in the form of an ex-boyfriend that I am now very glad I am done with. I've had some time to think about what all has happened in the past couple of days, weeks, months, years, and I realize I did the right thing in letting him go. But that leaves me at a confusing crossroads as to what I want to do with my life and how I see the hobbies he judged me for. It took me some time, but I've decided to say "Forget him", and return to things I love, dolls being the main thing I want to return to.

So now that I've decided to return to dolls, what will I be doing? I've been brainstorming some plans, and I will be starting on them in January. I don't really want to say what they are now, so if they blow up in my face and I fail miserably, I'll be the only one to know and can just move on to plan B instead of embarrassingly admitting defeat publicly. LOL! The one thing I can tell you I am working on now is sewing. I really do want to start selling clothes for dolls this coming year. I love fashion and I have so many ideas for doll clothes.

I've collected some dolls to sew for and I plan to collect more, and I'm excited to try this venture. It's just I'm also nervous about it. What if no one likes my stuff? What if running a business is too hard? What if...well I don't know, what if something else goes wrong? But life is full of risks and I need to take more. I saw I took a big one trusting my heart to one of the nastiest people I have ever met, I literally though I would die from the pain he caused me, but I'm bouncing back and I made it through the worst. A business mishap or two, I think I can handle after what I went through with him. So I am putting on my big girl panties finally and charging forward towards this new venture. So super nervous. :-)

I've got so many things swimming around in my brain that I want to complete next year, I almost don't know where to start. I have given myself until New Year's Day to deal with the aftermath of my "175 pounds weight loss" and then I told myself it's time to stop mourning and move on. So yeah, there's one plan at least, the rest, I need to schedule out I think. I am a list person, so I need to make lists. Don't be surprised if some lists pop up here every now and again, I do well thinking out loud. ;-)

Wow, I've missed blogging so much but I feel like I've lost my blogging mojo. I know I will get it back over time, I just feel kind of odd now. I almost feel like I'm in a strange place. Time will change that. I will be back to regular blogging again in 2014. I want to say I'll blog everyday, and I guess technically I could, but I think it'd be pretty boring. I don't know. We'll see. I won't hold myself to it, if I do blog every day great, if I don't, no big. And this looks like a great place to close for now. I don't know if I will be back before the new year, so in case I don't get back I want to wish all my readers a very safe and happy New Year. Have fun, be merry, and get ready for 2014, it's going to be awesome. :-) Bye for now all.

The Doll Page Is Closing

Image From Free Digital Photos

Hey guys, just wanted to jump on here real quick because I was going through my email and saw an email from TheDollPage saying that it was closing. This may be old news to some, but I know a lot of you out there use this site and may not have checked you email in while...like me. They say you have roughly until June first to get your images copied and all your stuff moved somewhere else. This is so sad. I didn't use the site much but it has been there forever and I just remember it always being a part of the doll hobby for me. It will be missed. I just wanted to hop on here and let you guys know in case you didn't "get the memo" on it. Also I want to wish you all a Happy Easter. I hope you had a lovely day and that the Easter Bunny brought you some delicious goodies. :-) Bye for now my lovelies.

Why I Hate @ToysRUs – Warning, Long Rant Ahead

Image From Free Digital Photos

So I have had an interesting two weeks when it comes to trying to order one clearance item from Toys R Us. So I decided to order some clothing for Midori. I was curious about Little Missmatched Doll clothing because I heard some of the clothing fit. FYI, the clothing fits Liv dolls, a bit loose, but it fits. Anyway, I made a nice big order of some things I wanted and figured I should go for the free shipping. Got it and waited for my package. Package came, I opened it, and was bummed to see I got two Little Missmatched Doll Fashion Forward clothing packs and no Little Missmatched Doll Casual Comfort pack. Well I figured it was human error, and wasn't going to go through the hassel for such a cheap item. I decided to just order it again. I mean my order was big so it would be easy to make a mistake, right? Hummm...

So today my order came in, and guess what? It was the Little Missmatched Doll Fashion Forward clothing pack. Ok, now this time it wasn't funny any more. I was irritated by now. I was figuring out how to go to the store to return the two I got in the free shipping order, so I wouldn't be out of the shipping price, and hit Ebay in hopes of finding it there for a decent price. I found it for the same price as Toys R Us, for cheaper shipping. Seller had 98% feedback, so I decided to go for it. Then I got a message from Paypal saying my order to Toys R Us went through. Umm...what? I went a looked, ughhhhhhh!!! The seller, why didn't it hit me, is KB Toys!!! Toys R Us bought them out!!! So now I began to wonder if I would get the same outfit again. This bothered me. A stupid clearance item has now cost me some serious money and it is all due to Toys R Us and their website error. So I decided to call them, just to make sure I get the Casual Comfort outfit and not the Fashion Forward one again. As pretty as Fashion Forward is, I really didn't need a 4^th one. So I called, and I kid you not, the woman who took my call almost landed me in the hospital.

So the woman who picked up seemed nice enough, she said hello at least. I explained to her what happened with my order, so she looked it up and explained what it said on the website, and in longgggg detail. She literally read it out loud to me. I hate being read to. Anyway, when she was done I explained that the description she read was for the item I got, but it was not the item I ordered. She said that I ordered the Casual Comfort outfit. I said yes. She said then that I got what I ordered. I explained to her that the website is wrong and I did not in-fact get what I ordered. She proceed to get heated with me saying that I did get what I ordered. I kept explaining to her that I ordered a different item but I kept getting the wrong item. She then proceeded to tell me that no matter what I think, I got the item I ordered. She said what I was saying would be like me going to the store, looking at the shelf and seeing something that is clearly labeled it was blue, bought the item, went home, and then got upset because it wasn't pink. That comment right there got her hung up on. What a rude individual who is too dumb to see that the website is wrong. And I'm going to prove it now.

This is what I ordered. The Little Missmatched Doll Casual Comfort clothing pack. Click picture to see it bigger.

Little Missmatched Doll Fashion Pack Casual Comfort

This is what I keep getting instead. The Little Missmatched Doll Fashion Forward clothing pack. Click picture to make it bigger.

Little Missmatched Doll Fashion Pack - Fashion Forward

I wanted to show the website page so you can see I am not lying. Different item numbers and names and they do not look anything alike. So to that lovely lady on the phone. it's not about picking up an item that clearly says it's blue then being disappointed when I get because it isn't pink. I'm not that kind of person nor am I that stupid. By the way, thanks a lot Toys R Us for basically calling me a stupid individual. The website is wrong. Even when I got the item home and looked at the receipt, the numbers for both items were different, so how did I end up with the same one twice and then another sent to me again? So that's when I went to Ebay foolishly thinking I'd find another option. Guess what, all the ones being sold are by toy stores that I think are all under Toys R Us. Nice, right?

Oh, and when I asked the lady on the phone if she knew how I could contact the people who handle the Ebay sales, because logically if Toys R Us is going to take my money they should have a way for me to contact them right, she said she had no idea what I was talking about. What? Um, ok. That's slightly understandable, not her department, but surely she knew how to contact them right? Nope, she told me I'd have to call Ebay and ask about the seller there. Ask about the seller? The seller is Toys R Us. But no amount of me explaining that to her got me any closer to an answer. I asked if orders for the website and Ebay were handled by the same people or the same warehouse, just hoping to see if I should expect the same outfit again or maybe hopefully might have a chance to get the one I wanted. Nope, she just kept saying I need to call Ebay and find out about the seller that way. Ok, I gave up on that then. She got me so “calmly” worked up the acid in my stomach was in my throat cutting off my air some, that is never good because it takes a while to settle down. I was polite to her, I didn't raise my voice, and all I wanted was to get the outfit I ordered. That's all I wanted Toys R Us! But I guess that's to much to ask for these days.

Now after reading about the site some I learned this is not uncommon. They do this a lot. People have ordered items and been sent other items instead. It's funny, when I opened the first order I said to myself, I hope they didn't mess up my order, and right when I said that I saw the duplicate items. This has been a rather upsetting situation, and to be called stupid by a Toys R Us employee when I was clearly in the right was rather upsetting as well. I know Toys R Us won't care about one person they have seriously wrong and insulted. They won't care that I will avoid their store as much as humanly possible. They won't care that I used to be a faithful customer but will take my business elsewhere. But I had to let my thoughts be known. Perhaps hate is a strong word. I'll change it to seriously dislike. Yes, I seriously dislike Toys R Us, and that woman who basically called me stupid on the phone. Perhaps she was having a bad day, and if so I am sorry she was having a bad day, but she works in a position where she needs to keep her cool and not tiptoe around straight out calling people stupid. I know Toys R Us will never see this, but just in case they do, these practices you do are low, dirty, and cheap. You need to have someone check your website because you have items listed wrong. I bet you have boxes full of that Casual Comfort outfit because no one can properly buy the thing. And it seems neither will I.

You want to know the whole sad part of this? I'm not bothered by the repeat outfits, I could do something with them or return them to the store. I'm only slightly bothered by the lady on the phone because I got to hang up on her and talk about her stupidity here. What bothers me is I was done wrong by a company I trusted, and in the end, I just really wanted that outfit. Maybe some day I will get lucky and find it, maybe not. I know the outfit I get from Ebay will be the same Fashion Forward one and I don't know if I will even bother opening it. Maybe I will throw in the closet and come across it in a couple of years, open it, and laugh about the whole silly situation. But for now I am just defeated. I had to battle with Brady Games over invalid codes and that took a week of constantly being on them about it, and now this whole situation just has me exhausted. Oh, I did get my codes from Brady, so that was a good turn out.

I wish this Toys R Us thing would turn out good as well, but I just know it won't. I just don't know what else to do about it. I've called, emailed, sent messages through Ebay, I've done it all. Right now it's gotten to the principle of the matter. They did me wrong, they need to fix it. They won't, and that's what burns me. I'll get over it eventually, but for now I sulk and look at the back of the Fashion Forward clothing box at the little drawing of the Casual Comfort outfit and sigh. You know, if Toys R Us would fix this problem and apologize to me I would take back what I said about them. At first I was upset at Brady Games, but they finally followed through. It took them a while to get it right but they finally did. Can I still be hopeful that Toys R Us will do the same? Fingers crossed.

*sigh* But anyway...please, someone tell me about your day. Tell me you had something awesome happen. Got a new doll? A new puppy? Finally beat that game you've been playing? Tell me it all in the comments. I want to feel happy for someone. Talk to you lovelies later.

Michelle

PS – I will respond to comments sometime this week and finish updating the blog. I have just been busy with my articles that I get writing overkill. So expect some updates very soon. Love you guys. Bye for now.

Doctor Woes – Part 2

So I usually get some paperwork about my blood test results after I've been to see the doctor. Then if she had to up my dose I would get a random call from Walmart telling me my medicine was ready. I hadn't gotten any paperwork so I was curious if she'd gotten results yet. She got them, because I got the random call from Walmart. I hadn't gotten that call the last time I saw her, but it's been a year since I was last to see her, so it seems things have changed since I was last there. I am not sure if the dose went up or down, but based on how I've been feeling and noticing my eyebrow is getting sparse, my bet is on she upped it. This makes me sad. I've read hypothyroidism can just continue to get worse. I started on 25mcg of my medicine, then went up to 50, then I was stable at 75, and now it seems I may be hitting 100 or higher. I've read about someone who was on 200 and still suffering. Add to that that other health conditions can come due to the hypothyroidism, and well I am just not a happy camper right now. The only bonus is if this dose helps me then I might start losing weight again...might. I'm a little bit sad knowing about the prescription order. I'll find out either today or maybe tomorrow what it is and I'll update you. For now, let's all take a look at this cute kitten.

Trying to cheer up,
Michelle

Image 1 From Free Digital Photos

Image 2 By Moyan Brenn From Flickr

Happy Birthday Doria and Lar!!!

Happy birthday to my mom and to my brother. It's crazy to think he would have turned 36 years old today. I can't help but stop and wonder what he would have looked like or what he would be doing in his life. Would I be an aunt now? Just a ton of what-ifs that will sadly never be answered. I think it's funny that he was born on my mom's birthday. And speaking of Doria, not her real name mind you, she celebrated her...err umm...21^st birthday today. Hey, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Yeah. :-)

So of course my mom was bummed at her age, most women are no matter what your age, and I just reminded her to be happy and thankful she'd reached that age, because things could have been different today. There are many people who I am sure would have wished that they could have reached that age. So cherish this past trip around the sun. She agreed and enjoyed the rest of her birthday. And I have decided to enjoy each birthday I am given from here on out. No one is guaranteed anything, so enjoy your birthday, no matter if you are about to hit the dreaded middle age, or if you are just turning, ahem, 21. ;-)

So again, happy birthday to my mom and to my brother. It's a bittersweet day to celebrate here in my household, but I am so very thankful we got to celebrate it. :-) And on that note I am off. I've started working on a funky wig for Midori, that isn't really turning out how I'd like it, but I'm excited to see the end project. I'll tell you more about it later. Until then, bye for now.

Eating a gluten-free cake in a mug,
Michelle

Image 1 From Free Digital Photos

Image 2 From Free Digital Photos

She has to get a pacemaker.

I’m scared and forcing myself into numb mode to make it through. I know some of you have commented on my last post and I had planned to comment on them today, but please forgive me for pushing it off a few days. Thank you so much for the comments, I just am to numb to form a coherent response to them. Please, any prayers or good vibes you have please send them my mom’s way. I don’t know how I will make it through the next few days but I have to. Be back in a day or so to update. Please keep us in your prayers. Thank you.

Michelle

I just need to blog.

So I know I haven’t posted here in a while, and that’s simply because I’m still trying to figure out where my blog is headed. When I started to seriously blog I decided to blog about dolls. That has been what I’ve done for a good long time now, and I’ve had tons of fun doing so and getting to know a lot of fun and interesting dolly peeps through my blogging. I still want to blog about dolls, but I have been thinking maybe my blog needs to turn into a lifestyle blog that incorporates all of me, along with my dolls. I still want the main focus to be dolls, but I also want to talk about crafts, writing, and me in general. I think I will go back to dedicated days for the “on the side” stuff, and then just blog about dolls any day I see fit. This way the blog won’t sit here dormant and I can blog.

So what brought me back today of all days?  My mom.  She’s been having some dizzy spells lately, but she put it off as just allergies. That is until the other day where she almost blacked out.  We thought it was the one off until last night. She’d come upstairs from her room and I was standing by the counter looking at two new hamsters she’d recently bought when I felt her grab on to me. It wasn’t anything odd to have her grab on to me, but then her grip got harder. I looked over my shoulder and saw that she was having trouble breathing again. I tried to get her to talk to me and tell me what was wrong, but all she could do was shake her head before she went down to the floor. She didn’t pass out, but it was pretty close. So I told her she had to stop playing around and go to the doctor tomorrow, which is now today. She went to the walk-in clinic and had accidentally pocket dialed me on her phone. I could hear her in the doctor’s office talking to the doctor. I hung up happy she was being seen. Then she called me later on. I picked up and it was my dad. I thought that was weird. Seems they were at the military hospital. I thought maybe the doctor gave her medicine and she was picking it up.  Wrong. She was having tests done. Why? Because they think my mom had a mini stroke.

I am beyond scared and freaked out right now. I know logically we will all sadly have to lose our parents at some point in our lives, but I am far from ready to have it be at this point in my life. I’m so close to my mom and to have her not be here would destroy me. If she did have a stroke, I know it was the diabetes and/or high blood pressure that did it. I have nagged her to get healthy and well I guess I didn’t have a foot to stand on with that because my health is still crap. But either way, it’s now to the point where getting healthy is not AN option, it’s the ONLY option. My mom is ready to give up and let death come get her. I refuse to let her give up without a fight. I am determined to get her healthy. I figure if death is coming he’s coming, but give him the fight of his life first. Now add on to this that my dad is on an inhaler because he smokes like a chimney and my sister is having mystery headaches all the time.

So yeah, that’s where I am at right now. Just waiting to hear from my mom and just trying to figure out what’s next. So much stress and pressure going on in my life right now. I barely sleep, and when I do I usually have nightmares. I’ve been focusing on Squidoo to try to get my mind off things and focused on one thing in general. It’s been helping, but I am ready to get back to my dolls and crafting.

ETA: So they are keeping her overnight. Seems they thing either mini stroke or heart attack. They don’t know what yet. I’m freaking out, but I will try to remain calm. I have to. I have no choice. Thanks for letting me vent. Bye for now.

Michelle

The Past Few Days

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Not that I’m super missed around the blogosphere, nope not a beg for attention there, I still thought I’d pop on real quick and tell you how my November went and how I believe it has changed some things for me.

So this month was Nanowrimo, and I had planned to be a rebel and write out the script for my doll photostories so I could start “filming” them in December and start uploading them in January.  Yeah, it didn’t work out that way at all.  It’s currently the last day of Nanowrimo with less than two hours to go and I have just under 8000 words typed up.  I needed 50000 words to win.  Yeah, not winning this year.  First time in several years I won’t be winning, and I’m ok with that.  Every year I felt I had to do Nanowrimo because I “wasn’t a serious aspiring author” if I didn’t do it.  So every year I did it.  Well this year I couldn’t think of a story I wanted to rush through for the month.  I’ve decided to really take my time and work through a plot before writing because I realized I was wasting my time by churning out crap because I wanted to rush through a story to make my 50k.  So I chose my script instead.  Well I started work on it on day one, then didn’t touch it until day 18.  I still could have won, but me dreading over something coming up at the end of the month kept me from being enthusiastic about it, so time dragged on and no typing was done.  Then came the dreaded day.

On the 28th I had jury duty.  For those of you who don’t know, jury duty is when the state summons you to court to overhear cases and decide if the person is innocent or guilty.  In other words, the person charged needs to be judged by a group of their peers, and those summoned to jury duty are those peers.  There were two cases, both pretty awful crimes.  Both put stress on me because both kind of brought up bad things in my life.  I thankfully got out of both of them, but it was over two days worth of hours sitting at the courthouse, the first day I was there from before 8:30 until after 5 o’clock.  The second day I thankfully got out around noonish-1 o’clock.  But after all was said and done I honestly came away from the situation a different person.  These past two days have literally worn me out and stressed me to the point of illness to hear bits and pieces of what these two individuals did and then to hear the horrific stories of other people defending themselves on why it would be best they didn’t serve on the jury.  I don’t believe I have to tell you that I’m so glad the whole thing is over…for two years at least.  Come November 30th 2013 I could be back up at the court house, and I’m really hoping it’s a simple robbery case of they broke in, left prints, are guilty as sin.  But I won’t worry about that for now.  Let’s get past December 21, 2012 first and then we’ll revisit this topic again. 

So now that that is all over I feel relaxed again and feel focused.  But now my script is unfinished and the whole month is gone.  Well I’ve decided I still want to “film” this upcoming month, so I am doing a super Nanowrimo by writing the script up in one to two days starting at midnight.  I know it can be done and I know I can do it.  I’ve whipped up 8-10 page essays in less time than that.    Children out there, do as I say and not as I do…get your essay’s done super early and give yourself plenty of time to work on it and make it your best work.  You’ll be so glad you did.    Ok, PSA over.  But yeah, I really want to focus on this script and get the story done and the pictures done and get it all uploaded so I can move on from this script.  It’s been a script in my head for YEARSSSS and well, I’m kind of over it.  But I’ve worked so hard on it, and I’ve collected so much stuff for this story alone I just can’t say “oh forget about it” and move on.  No, I have to do something with it.  So I am.  And once I am done with it I can finally move on to the story I really want to do, but refuse to think about too much because of fear I might abandon the one I am working on now.  For now I am just collecting props for that story and speaking of which, I got some today.

My most prized purchase of the day was through the Wednesday only sale at Toys R Us.  Get this, I learned about it from a TRU sales flier left on a seat at my mom’s heart monitor appointment.  What luck was that?  Now a newspaper in the place, but I found that ad, and no I wasn’t ashamed to pick up a TRU flier and look through it in a waiting room filled with people older than me looking at me.  LOL!  So the deal I was interested in was the buy one Liv doll at regular price, get the second one half off, spend 15 dollars in Liv items, get an accessory pack for free.  I’ve needed two Jake dolls since they’ve come out, but after missing the awesome half off sale on them through TRU when they came out, I just couldn’t plunk down full price for two of them.  I just felt if I waited another deal would come along, and it did.    This deal I could “Liv” with.  Hahaha, get it, because live and Liv sound the…umm yeah…so moving on.  So I got to TRU early and went straight to the doll section to the Liv doll area.  I was on a mission, to find two Jake dolls.  I knew I had to get there early because Jake’s are like rare gems around here.

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Boy was I surprised when I got the shelf and found a Jake right up front.  Mine!  But I wanted one more.  So I searched through the various female dolls and didn’t find a Jake.  I was feeling bummed and started looking at the girl dolls wondering how I could use them in my future story so I could still at least get the deal.  I kept digging and digging to find the right girl for me to take home when in the very back of the shelf I found him, a second Jake doll.  I know I don’t have to tell you this but, MINE!  So I had my two boys and now I needed an accessory pack.  Ladies and gents, do your research online before you head to the store.  It will help those of you like me who are indecisive quickly get what you want.  I found several packs online and had them polled down to two.  I decided I could easily pick between two packs, so I went on the hunt.  I only found one of the two, and I saw that it wasn’t what I expected, it was better.  I found another set I wasn’t sold on, and almost got it because at first it was the only one I saw, but I walked down further and found the other packs.  But the one I had in my hand had slippers, and shoes for these dolls are hard to come by, so I almost was sold on the set I didn’t really want due to slippers, but then I saw the pack I originally chose and saw how perfect it was for one of my main characters in my new story that I had to take it home with me instead.

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It’s so perfect for Lucy, my shy nerdy girl.  The phone is similar to mine expect mine is blue, the computer has a cool design on the other side, the bag really opens and you can put the computer in, there’s a mp3 player that they can really wear, and some snackage.  What’s not to love?  I almost said no on this set because the bag looked so cool but I hate sets with bags that don’t open.  When I was a kid I would have taken it without a second thought, but as an adult you can’t do much in a story with a “fake” bag.  And I want to move more towards real fabric bags instead of plastic, but this one I took a chance on because it looks so nice and it works.  So yeah I was happy with my purchase.  There’s nothing I don’t like about it.  Well…I don’t like that the strawberries are white on the sundae, but a quick swipe of the paintbrush will fix that.    So yeah, can’t wait to start using these in my new photostory after I finish the current one. 

The rest of the day was random shopping for things, a lot of nail polish for some reason. But one thing I did get was another one of the strawberry dress sets from the last few posts.  Remember the pink dress didn’t fit?  Well I got the second set to see if the pink dress in it would fit and decided if it didn’t I’d have more of the strawberry “fabric” to work with.  Something tells me it’s going to fray super bad so having a little more to work with will be nice.  And well, that’s about it for the past few days.  A lot of ups and downs, mostly downs, but I survived, I learned a few things about myself, and I’m ready to finally tackle things now that I realize that I won’t crumble and fall on the spot due to some health issue.  That’s the one pro from spending all day at jury duty without eating or drinking anything from stress.  I do not advise that people.  I almost fainted while descending four flights of stairs.  Yeah.

So, what’s next for me?  A lot.  This December is going to be a busy month, but I love being busy.  I love getting up early now and starting the day with a fresh mind and fresh start.  Speaking of which, I need to hurry this up and get my butt to bed.  Getting up around 5:3-6 so I can head out tomorrow to get some conditioner for my hair in the morning then get back here and get started on Christmas presents.  Busy, busy, busy.

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So one of the first things I need to get done is to get my desk finally.  I believe I mentioned it here that I have been on the hunt for a second desk ever since I gave up my crafting table.  I just wanted a small one for my room so I can craft in my room and on a clean surface.  My other desk I do everything on from painting to gluing then I sew on it.  So I kind of want a place to do my fabric crafts without having to check like crazy for paint or glue.  I had found two IKEA table/desk things I liked the price of, but the shipping went up and I just didn’t feel the same about them any more.  Then my mom found this desk on the Walmart website and after seeing that the curvy side is not really on the final product I was sold.  But I’ve yet to get my desk.  I’m hoping for tomorrow to get it so I can start working on Christmas presents.  I have some ideas for them, but nothing can be put down in stone until I get a proper work place.  So hopefully I will make this one mine tomorrow.  Hopefully.

So desk hunting, present making, catching upping in various things, that leaves me little time to be lazy this upcoming month.  Yay for that!    So much to do, so little time, and I’m cool with that.  I’m seeing now that spending each moment the best you can is what matters most.  Yes all of this was learned from the tortures of jury duty.  I wish I could get into more about what happened, but then it means revealing things about me that just aren’t on topic of this blog and I promise you, sharing personal stuff with a room full of strangers is embarrassing enough, I don’t think I should force myself through it again with my doll peeps.  Just know that I am seeing life through different colored lenses now and those pretty rose colored ones are in the trash forever.

And well, I believe that’s it for this post.  I’ll try to pop in sporadically this month, but don’t be surprised if Christmas Eve is the first you hear from me.  I’m telling you, busy month ahead, but that’s a good thing.  And I hope to be able to come back here with lots to show and tell.  Until then my dear lads and lassies, be good and remember your rabbits in the morning.      Bye for now.

Loves ya ,
Mouse

12 Years Ago Today

January 5, 1997-October 12, 1999

And I still can’t believe you are gone forever.  You are always in our hearts and thoughts.  We love you.

Love always,
Michelle

I’ve Just Completed My 33rd Trip Around The Sun

Hey all, long time no post.  I have been around, just been busy with life.  So if you can’t tell today is my birthday.  The big and yet odd 33.  If you know me well, I have a thing with 33 after the hour.  It seems it’s always 33 after the hour when I look at the clock now, thanks to my friend Sarah, who is having a jewelry sale in her shop Eleven33 Designs that you should defiantly check out.    But yeah, 33 has been my number for a couple of years and then I noticed whenever I looked up it was 3:33 either a.m. or p.m., very weird.  So I kind of feel positive about this year being a good one for me.  I feel my plans will start coming to.  So excited.  And it all starts today. 

So just some quick things about my plans.  Of course I want to lose weight, which I am restarting my lifestyle change tomorrow thanks to a friend’s suggestions on what I should do.  He’s going to hold me accountable for my diet and exercise.  So that will hopefully help.  Other things are my writing and *sigh* yes my shop.  I haven’t been able to get into my craft room to sort it all out, but I am feeling positive that I will be getting things sorted out this week and weekend so I can start putting stuff in it no later than Monday.  I plan to put one item in the shop today if I can find pictures for some of my items.  But I won’t be promoting much until next week.  As for writing, working on the second month of Camp Nanowrimo so I can finish my novel.  I want to try to finish it by the 15th because Write On Con starts on the 15th and it’s a full couple of days of chats and workshops.  If you are interested in the writing convention, it’s completely online and free to attend.  You just have to sign up.  So those are my plans so far.  Getting my writing done, getting my shop up, and getting in better health.  Oh speaking of my health…

I got a letter in the mail today.  I didn’t mention this before, but I had to get a CT scan and I got it last Thursday.  My results came in today.  Besides a slightly deviated septum (towards the left if anyone is interested) my brain and sinuses are perfectly fine.  It' was so cute, on my results there was a smiley face with the word “normal” written next to it.    I was so happy to know my brain was ok.  With some really bad headaches due to wisdom teeth, some weird illness I got a couple of years back that made me feel like my brain was bursting out of my skull, and then the headaches now I just felt so worried something was wrong.  But I’m fine!!!  *does a happy dance*  Thank everything I am fine!

So that leaves me happy today.  I was going to have a friend come over, but he just texted me and told me worked called him in. No worries, I kind of wanted to hunker down and play video games tonight.  I barely do and I figured I’d “treat” myself today.  I was going to finally see the last Harry Potter with my sister today but only the evening shows are left now so we will try for tomorrow afternoon.  So I guess I’ll go blow out the candles on my gluten-free cupcakes, that are so super yummy might I add, and then have my steak dinner later on tonight.  I’m not one for steak but I asked for it about a month ago for today and so I am getting it, yum.   

Oh also, I still have my “time capsule” I reclosed last year, thanks again to John’s awesome idea of making one.  I will be opening mine later on tonight and seeing what the me of last year had to say.  I’ll update it and reclose it until next year, I’m already excited for the me of next year to open it. 

Speaking of opening, I have to wait a while to open my birthday presents because Junky Spot doesn’t have the eyes I want any more and I emailed about them and was told more have been ordered but they don’t think they have shipped yet.  I can wait.  I mean I think one’s birthday should be celebrated all month long, so what’s a couple of weeks.  Heck even if I don’t get it until the last day of the month I’ll still be happy. 

And well, that’s about it ladies and gents.  I’m feeling good.  I’m feeling happy.  And I’m looking forward to the next 365 days.  Happy Birthday and Happy New Year to me!   

And I’m off to start my next trip around the sun folks.  I will post again soon.  I have to introduce you guys and gals to Eli.  Who’s Eli?  Oh you’ll find out soon enough.    Until then be good kids and I will talk to you all soon.  Bye for now. 

Loves ya ,
Mouse