Hey guys and dolls. I know it’s been a few days since I’ve posted. I haven’t had really much to blog about doll or craft wise. Just been “living” I suppose you can say. But I wanted to hop on here real quick to update you on how I’ve been doing since I’ve returned to a gluten diet. In one short word, horrible. I told myself there is no way that two very expensive tests could be wrong. Well, I knew the wheat test could show up wrong, but I didn’t think the celiac one would show up wrong. I mean it’s a very expensive test, so I thought for sure it would be accurate. But after just 5 days of eating gluten, that I said I would just have a tiny bit of and ended up eating it for every meal and most of the day, I feel differently. All those ailments that I had gotten rid of are slowly coming back.
At first I thought it was all in my head, but the muscle pain I’ve been feeling, the itchiness, the joint pain, I just can’t ignore. I know for a fact I’m not making up the muscle pain because I have started hurting in one place that I didn’t hurt before starting on gluten again, but now it hurts like hell. My knees feel horrible again within a few days. Which is so funny that they didn’t hurt at all over the past few weeks of being on my stationary bike but they suddenly hurt now. And I’m starting to itch, nerve issues. I am feeling the twinge in my right hand again, which thankfully is not my dominate hand but it still bothers me enough to be noticed. And my hand muscles are weak again. I have this ergonomic handle for my crochet hooks and there is this stopper you have to pull off when you switch sizes. I have NEVER had trouble removing it since I bought the thing, and I was gluten free when I bought it, and then suddenly last night all the pulling in the world barely budged it. I pulled so hard on it I was out of breath by the time I got it off. It’s a tiny rubber stopper people and I couldn’t get it off. It quickly took me back to last year where I had trouble taking simple tops off jars and bottles.
So I know what you are thinking, just go back onto your gluten free diet. I agree with you, but something tells me it won’t be easy. Just last night I was telling someone here I need to get some vitamins and they said ok and now you can get the kind with gluten in it. Ok, first of all I don’t know why someone would purposely set out to get vitamins or anything for that matter with gluten in it. Second I would prefer the gluten free kind I am used to. But I guess people feel since I had the expensive blood test that came back negative that I am fine and can go back to a gluten diet. But I don’t feel fine. And I don’t know how to explain that just because the blood test said it’s negative that I feel it was wrong.
I hate being on a gluten free diet. I feel very limited on it, which I know on some hand that’s crazy. But when I thought I could eat gluten again I thought I had options so I felt less stressed about my diet. But I think I was better off with the limits that gluten free did put on me. When I am able to get into a better living situation I’m sure I will see that gluten free will be a better option for me in the long run, but right now living in a house where I’m the only one gluten free is hard. I get yelled at constantly that this was my choice and I have no one to blame but myself for my misery. Ummm…it’s my fault my body can’t handle gluten? I mean I guess it could be true, my eating something my body couldn’t handle caused me to become intolerant to it…or is that how it works? But I just don’t see how it truly is “my fault” that I can’t tolerate it. If I was allergic to bee stings I know no one would blame me, so why blame me for this?
I don’t know. It just sucks all around. Oh and to top it all off, I’ve gained roughly 3-4 pounds being on gluten again. Why? Because I have been partaking of everything I’ve missed out on these past 8 months. Everything tasting like crap, but I had to try it to make sure I wasn’t missing out on anything. And I wasn’t. But I still feel this was all a good thing because for the past couple of weeks I was feeling sorry for myself because I was “different” and couldn’t eat normally. I always stressed over meals and they started becoming the same thing over and over again. But now I see all the things I felt “cheated” on just wasn’t all that in the first place and I wasn’t missing anything. So after a 5 day gluten free for all I am deciding now that I don’t care what I stupid blood test said, I’m going gluten free and I’m doing it for good. I do have the guilt of wondering if what I’m feeling is all just in my head, but when I can’t form a firm fist or can’t pull off a rubber stopper that I had never had trouble with before, I just can’t help but think that it’s not all just in my head. Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is that.
Loves ya,
Mouse
Thanks for sharing your story. Sorry to hear that you are experiencing so much pain. I have attempted to reduce the gluten in my diet and you are right, it is very limiting and very expensive. But your quality of life is worth it. I do think your pain is real, but maybe you introduced your body too quickly to gluten products and it wasn't able to acclimate properly to the changes. I don't know the history or how long you have been gluten free, but I think if you were off for an extended period of time, maybe it was just a shock to your system. There is also a thing called "cell memory", but I won't go into that here.
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best in your journey. I also hope you get a better support system. This is not your fault or "your choice". It just is, and anyone that blames you or makes you feel bad about it, just doesn't have a clue.
if you had already been gluten free for a while, the celiac test could have come back negative even if you are a celiac. if you think gluten is the problem (which sounds very likely) then go gluten-free no matter what the tests, doctors, and other people say. do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy.
ReplyDelete~E