Tuesday, July 6, 2010

DO NOT always listen to what your mother says.

Hey kiddies!  So today I had an “experience”…with this stuff:

*Runs to shut blog door.* Now hold up there!  I’m not about to go into something disgusting, I promise.  Now just sit down and let me finish my tale.  *waits*  Comfy?  Good.  Now where was I?  Oh yes, my experience.  So with a recent trip to the doctor for my mom, she found out that her cholesterol was in the red, very bad news.  So she decided not to get on pills and try fixing it with diet alone.  So she is on this healthy kick.  Well she and I were talking and I told her how we need more fiber in our diets for the health benefits.  Well she picked up Metamucil today, after having read that you can sprinkle it over your food instead of drink it.  Now it was at this point I kind of did a wrinkle face because I’ve had Metamucil before and if you don’t mix with enough water, it becomes like jelly.  But she read an article, that I assumed was by Dr. Oz because he’s her new guru now.  So I trusted her.

So she had yogurt for lunch, and she sprinkled some Metamucil on it.  It didn’t turn to jelly and it tasted ok.  Made it more fruity.  Ok, I thought, I’ll try some on my oatmeal that I want to make.  Now, this oatmeal was new to me.  My mom bought because it was healthier and I was craving to try it.  To make it creamy you have to cook it 20 minutes then let it cool for 2.  This means you have to stay close by the stove or it will cook over.  Ok, so I sat there, stirring every few minutes for 20 minutes.  Put raisins in, and it looked pretty good.   Yeah, looks can be so deceiving .

First of all, the cups I used to measure the water were for dry measurements instead of liquid.  So I didn’t have enough water.  Which meant my oatmeal was thick and sticky.  I thought I was making one serving according to my mom, but when I read the package it was two, so now I have a big bowl of sticky and thick oatmeal.  That’s ok, just add some water…still sticky but I can deal.  Well then I sprinkle the rounded teaspoon of Metamucil the package calls for and I stir it in.  Now this is the point where I start rethinking it again.  On the package I remembered it stressing that you needed to drink it right away so the fiber wouldn’t jell up on you.  But it was fine in the yogurt, so surely it will be fine on oatmeal.  And heck, my mom said you could put it on food, and I assumed Dr. Oz was the one who told her, so it’s fine.  Yeah…by the time I crossed the 3 feet from the counter to the table my oatmeal looked like a jello mold of oatmeal, raisins, and Metamucil.

I looked at it thinking, “Now come on now.  You are not five years old.  Man…err woman up and eat this.  It’s healthy for you,” yeah I was giving myself a “grown-up” pep talk.  So with my mom sitting there waiting to see my response, I dug my spoon in and pulled out a big gooey pile of slimy oatmeal, that she insisted was normal.  No people, this was not normal.  Remember when you were a kid and you got those balls of slime out of the machines that were at the front of each store as you were heading out?  Then you got home and played with it and sometimes dropped it onto ground and it got sand and other debris in it?  Yeah, that is what this stuff looked like, only worse…I had to eat it.  Ugh!  So I put the spoon to my mouth, quite ready to do it in.  But as it got closer to my mouth I cringed and just bit off the amount on the tip of the spoon, quickly chewed and swallowed.  Now it didn’t taste bad, just the texture was gross.  My mom was “proud of me” and encouraged me to eat more.  *whimper*  Ok, so I tried another spoonful.  Nibble and swallow.  Now at this point I’m starting to feel a little sick.  I can’t get the thoughts of slime out of my mind.  This is about the time my gag reflex started kicking in.  Yep, not pretty.  No, I never got sick, but I didn’t think I could finish.

This is where my mom was like “Fine, just toss it.”  I told her I’d try some more, and then she goes into how she didn’t tell me to put it on there.  I told her no but she didn’t discourage me.  She said well it’s just what I read from that book that’s coming to me.  This is where I stop and look at her.  Ok, so let me fill you in.  On this new health kick she’s on she decided to purchase some books on how to lower cholesterol and on better eating.  One of the books in an excerpt on Amazon listed the 10 things you should have every day.  One of the things she “THINKS” said to sprinkle Metamucil onto your food.  My mouth dropped.  I asked her “You are following the advice you got from an Amazon book excerpt?!?”  She gave me that “hehe” look and said “Well, it said the it was the top ten things you must have every day and I thought it said you could sprinkle it in food.”  Now this is where I drop my spoon on top of my mush, because it was to jelled at this point for it to fall into it.  I told her I thought she got her advice from Dr. Oz, whom I mildly trust his advice, and she sheepishly said no.  At this point she laughs and remembers she needs to go out into the garage freezer to get chicken for tonight’s dinner.  This is the point I walk over the trash can and toss the jellied oatmeal into it and wash out my bowl. She comes in and I tell her I have just had a long and interesting experience.  And she said she was glad I had that experience and lesson learned.  Oh I’ll say lesson learned.  Unless I get the information straight from the source, I am going to think twice about following the healthy suggestions of my mother and I will listen to my own instinct about things.  22 minutes of cooking down the drain and I still didn’t have breakfast.  My sister had a Klondike bar for breakfast and I scoffed at her for not eating something healthy.  Yeah, I grabbed one and headed to my room.  Ahhh, the breakfast of champions.  Be good kids and don’t always listen to your mother.

Loves ya,


  1. LOL! Well, personally, I much prefer your second attempt at breakfast! I guess we know what you'd do for a Klondike bar!

    I used to loooove those plastic eggs full of slime from the quarter machine! :) But, dropping it on the carpet was awful-- once it's covered in link and hair, it's never the same.

    Thanks for the fantastic imagery-- I'll never be able to look at Metamucil without thinking of this! LMAO!

    I totally owe you an email too-- soon!

  2. OMG!!! I think I pee'd myself laughing at this!!

  3. Ugh, the things I go through. LOL! But the Klondike bar was very yummy, so I guess I won out in the end. :-D


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