The Day Senpai Noticed Me, and The Reinvention of Me

So as you know, my birthday was back on the 9th of this month, and my sister was trying to decide what to get me as a present. She then suddenly came to me and told me I wasn't allowed to look on our parents' Amazon Prime account, we use it get our stuff in two days woot woot, and so I promised not to. She said my birthday present would be a few days late. I wasn't sure why, but I just shrugged and said ok. I thought it was sweet she was getting me anything, so I just carried on with my life. Well the eleventh came and so did the mailman with my present. My sister woke me up and basically demanded I open my present right then and there. Ummmm...ok. The package was thin and tall like a book. I closed my eyes and opened it, wanting to drag out the suspense a little longer. When I opened the package I found a hardcover book. I felt the cover to see if I could tell what it was by the embossing. My sister was having none of that and demanded I look at it, bossy little thing there. So I finally opened my eyes and then proceeded to have a mini geeky freak out.

What?!? She got me Felicia Day's book!!! Ahhhhhhh!!! I wanted this book so badly, but I didn't know when it was coming out, and I knew I would get it eventually. I had no idea my sister would get it for me. Come to find out, several people considered getting it for me, but weren't sure if I'd want it. My sister was a nervous wreck thinking I'd hate the book. LOL! Silly goose. :-)

After the initial shock of getting the book, You're Never Weird On The Internet (almost), I dove in and read a little bit each day. By the 19th I finally read the last page and may or may not have gotten a bit weepy. This book spoke to me in so many ways. I grew up not thinking to highly of myself and thinking everything I did was basically crap, especially when I compared it to other people who were doing similar things. Yes dollieh and crafty people, I was basing my self worth on things you were doing that I could not do. That was a big reason why I had to leave Facebook behind...um...I have a post about that coming up. Anyway, the depression and self hatred got worse when I got older and I've discovered it had a lot to do with my thyroid that is still wonky, but in reading Felicia's book, I learned I wasn't alone. She suffers with anxiety too and it affected her life much like mine has affected mine. The social anxiety that I sometimes suffer is not unique to me either, and I just learned so much by reading about Felicia's life. It truly felt like a pep talk we were having one on one. I truly didn't want the book to end because I felt like I was learning so much about myself as I learned about her.

I don't want to say to much about the book because I truly want to encourage you to go out there and buy it for yourself. Perhaps your library has it and if it doesn't, please try to get them to purchase a few copies because I think anyone suffering with self doubt will walk away from this book with a clearer understanding of themselves and realize it's ok to be who you are. It's ok to love dolls, gaming, comics, crafting, etc. It's ok to love to cosplay as your favorite Star Trek or Star Wars character. It's ok to be passionate about things. Never let anyone make you feel like less because of who you are. If someone does try to do that, that's because they are less of a person and you should not pay them any mind. Perhaps they have something going on in their lives that causes them to find happiness in making others feel bad too. Just forget them and move on and be your awesome self.

The book also showed me that I too was guilty was judging someone and not really knowing them or their situation. No, I don't know Felicia directly, but from what I saw online, I made some assumptions and questioned some things that she did. Now after reading her book, I realize, you truly should not assume you know what is going on in a person's life just from how they look and act on the outside. Things that I felt jealous over and things I wondered why she did them, were all not as I assumed them to be. So, if you are one who likes to judge, think about it before you do, because you never know what is going on in a person's life, and just because they look 'fine' doesn't meant they truly are. So stop and think before you act.

I wish I had discovered this earlier in life. I think I would have enjoyed life way more. But I know it now, I am finding that happiness is slowly returning to my life and I am slowly returning to what I love. I'm addicted to Guild Wars 2 and playing it more and more each day. Which reminds me, I need to go do some farming. I am trying to build a back piece called Mawdrey II and I need to get some foxfire clusters. Then I think I will catch up on some gaming channels, Dashiegames is currently my favorite, and after that I will start another book to read. I'm done being someone else to try to please the masses. From now on, I am just going to be me. I am reinventing myself to become the person I've always wanted to be.

I think while I am working on becoming me, I will try to shed the old me completely and work backwards to her. So I am going to use my nickname that my friends and family call me to match my new persona. If you want to call me Michelle, please feel free to, but I will be calling myself Mickey, but I'll of course answer to both. :-) It's time to be a happier and healthier me, and I can't wait to discover exactly who that person is.

So if you are in need of a pep talk yourself, or you love gaming and geeky stuff, or you love Geek and Sundry, or you just love that quirky red-head who starred in Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Eureka, Supernatural, The Guild, and Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long, go out there and purchase this awesome book. You will have a good read, a good laugh, maybe a few tears, and a new geeky friend for life. :-)

Oh, and I pulled myself out of my comfort zone and tweeted Felicia to let her know I really enjoyed her book. She favorited my tweet. Senpai noticed me!!! Achievement unlocked! Now I really want to meet Felicia in person. Maybe one day. Fingers crossed. :-)

And on that note, I am going to go my lovely readers. I hope you leave my blog today feeling a little bit better about yourself. Always know you are awesome, no matter who you are. Never let anyone make you feel bad for being who you truly are. Always be true to yourself and never talk down to yourself. Trust me, there are enough haters in the world to talk crap about you without you adding to the mix. Big hugs to all of you and I will talk to you all very soon. Bye for now. :-)

Love always,
Mickey ♥